I’m Not Like Other Women

I admit it. I’m an odd one. As I struggle to understand the modern gender wars, feminism, gynocentrism throughout the ages, and the Men’s Human Rights Movement, I am repeatedly struck by the realization that I’m unique as an American Woman and perhaps as a woman in general.

Moreover, resentment of mothers—including women who look like they must be mothers—or women who “selfishly” eschewed the imperative—means that I must bear some blame for the prevalent maternal alienation afflicting the generations that I precede. As a victim of maternal alienation myself, I don’t accept that blame. Rather, I deliberately chose to not perpetrate the pathology of my family tree nor to bring a child into a world of which I do not approve. Given all the goodies that would be available to me if I were to have reproduced, my choice could not be called “selfish” by any stretch. Rather, it would seem to me that women who have children for utilitarian purposes define selfishness and narcissism. That’s not me by a long shot.

It would seem that the feminine and feminist dictate to conform is shared by many American MHRAs who are so certain that bogeywomen lurk around every corner that they don’t recognize an ally in me. If I don’t fit in the Bell Curve and even outly the outliers, then I don’t exist and have no business blogging my existence. Yet, I persist. At least when I get emotional reactions from men who think they know me but don’t, I realize that I am hitting a nerve and therefore I exist.

However, here’s the thing: I believe I’ve learned a lot from my unusual life. The fact that I’m alienated from any particular place, having grown up nowhere nor with any particular demographic—no, my father was not in “the service”—sets me apart from most. However, since I have no “people” or “place” I’m relatively free of much of the school and media-based “programming” that is part and parcel of the social engineering experiment that defines the United States since the early 20th Century.

But here’s the thing: it irks me that when I participate in a Men’s blog—adding a comment—why I am repeatedly replied to under the assumption that I am a) a feminist; b) like the other women who apparently hurt the other commenters in some way; c) with powers that I don’t have? Moreover, it would seem that a new breed of fatherless son is every bit as histrionic, resentful, and entitled as the most ardent female feminist. The future of humanity doesn’t look very good to me.

Part of the allure of anti-feminism has to do with my social alienation from pretty much every institution and most particularly feminism. Why wouldn’t I be opposed to it? It would seem to me that any rational human being sees that there’s no real advantage to elevating one sex over another—or degrading one. Why else would I be participating in (I hope) positive and encouraging ways if I didn’t feel a kinship with the manosphere?

Not only do I sympathize with many of men’s complaints against women, I can empathize. As a large woman curiously deprived of protection or chivalry as a young girl now fully expected to be self-reliant, strong, and independent because I wasn’t presented with an alternative and who was also a victim of a vindictive spouse (vindictive toward all humanity it would seem but most particularly my phenotype and archetype) and have been intimate with many (many!) male victims of domestic violence and abuse, of course I have empathy with Men’s Human Rights Advocates. In fact, I take it a step further. I am more than willing for my rights and all rights of women to be rolled back just so that I won’t have to be the scapegoat of the next feminist petty dictator or bureaucrat who decides that it is my responsibility to pay for all her personal grievances. I have female ancestors who made history—huge differences in civic life—who did so without even the dubious benefit of “the vote”. I’m eager for a regression to The Stone Age. I’m strong and resourceful. Bring it on!

Does my lack of “wallowing in victimhood” mean that I’ve never been victimized? Hardly. My story defies credibility with its abuse and sheer brutality. Do I blame men and masculinity for it? Of course not. Rather it would seem to me that women and feminized or emasculated men have comprised the majority of my tormentors. In fact, the record is so obviously slanted that I have to assume that any man who decides that I’m a force on the internet to be silenced and shamed is obviously lacking in masculinity whether from psychological or actual poisoning. Am I sorry that this happened to the poor fellow? Of course. Do I take responsibility for it? Not on your life. Meanwhile, I happen to prefer the company of strong, self-assured masculine men whose self esteem is not elevated by attempts to humiliate me or “put me in my place.” Rather, my place is fighting alongside those men or in proud subservience thereof.

So, Mr. Castrated Weenie, bring it on. Mr. Beta Loser, you can wish you’ll get the better of me if that redeems your lifetime of marginalization and rejection by what you assume are “the likes of me”; however, I have a secret weapon: I’m not like those women. I’m entirely beyond the limited experiences of your sheltered existence and I don’t back down.

In fact, compared to “The Master Manipulator” (my ex-husband’s self-characterization), you’re small potatoes. Offering yourself up to me as fair game makes my day. I practice “rhetorical judo” trusting that you’ll hang yourself by your own words. Listen carefully. You might learn something. Wishful thinking I suppose, for when it comes to your generation you rely solely on major media and “role models” to show you the way and therefore, I am operating from a tremendous advantage having never had that reliance.

15 thoughts on “I’m Not Like Other Women

  1. Dear Caprizchka:

    Your ambivalence about your continued participation in the MHRA is understandable. So is the fact that you have been offended by some MHRA’s who do not understand that you are aligned with them and who choose to see you as an adversary. And they have almost no idea that you, too, have been the victim of men who caused you pain and anguish, even though they know nothing about your private suffering. The more recent the injury, the more intense the uncontrolled bitterness.

    Please do not let these angry and probably damaged men drive you away from us. We need you. And though it requires generosity on your part, those tormented men need you even if they do not know it. You have contributions to make. I have also been insulted and ridiculed now and then but with patience, a few hours away from the keyboard, and a cup of decaf, I can let go of my hurt feeling very quickly.

    I remain, with thoughts of keeping you interested in these issues,
    WFOF

  2. Thank you so much for your comment. It so happens, I couldn’t leave the MHRM if I wanted to given that I’m apparently obsessed with these issues. I believe that feminism hurts everyone and the gender wars destroy what should be powerful alliances and strength-giving intimacy in our troubled and alienated times. A little encouragement from the universe is so welcome right about now. Thank you again.

  3. Hey caprizachka

    Late to the party – but I agree with WFOF – you have a unique perspective and a valuable contribution to make to the whole area of male/female relations – to teasing out the causes and complexities of our now completely dysfunctional societies and cultures.

    What I would say though is this – I don’t personally see the MHRM as some material structured entity that one is either in or out of – or one leaves or stays in.

    Granted, it is a handy all encompassing label to apply, to give some substance to a “thing” but that’s all it is – a label.

    Unless someone has been voted to be “in charge” and I missed that election? 🙂

    Personally the only thing I could say for absolute sure is this – I’m not a feminist – that’s it. Whether that puts me on “the right side” of the MHRM or not is irrelevant – and until someone is actually voted into some self-styled position of authority – then – nope – not going to be dictated to by some nebulous “movement” or subjected to some arbitrarily decided upon “standards” or “qualifications” imposed by again some nebulous entity – up to and including some default intrinsic handicap inherent in being born female.

    Just as the “MHRM” rejects responsibility for the alleged wrongs done by generations of men in times past or even in the present day – so too do I reject any responsibility for any actions done by females I don’t bloody know, have never met or am ever likely to meet.

    This collective guilt and collective responsibility crap from both “side” is wearing thin – getting old and frankly has both “sides” stuck in an endless and continuous cycle of accusation and counter accusation and the mother of all victim pissing contests.

    There are some real arsehole human beings on this, planet both female and male – have met both kinds – and the bottom line is this – an arsehole is an arsehole no matter what they have in their underwear – and no – your personal pain or hurt does not give you the right to a pass for being an arsehole.

    Feminism is without doubt one of the most toxic ideologies/belief systems/cults ever foisted upon an unsuspecting world – I utterly and absolutely reject it as a human being.

    But I will not apologise or hang my head in shame for the fact I happened to born female.

    Neither should you or anybody else for that matter – sorry for going on a bit – but am more than a bit disenchanted by this all-knowing, all-seeing, all-wise “MHRM” – you have as much right to post your opinions or perspectives on “gender issues” as anyone else – so – keep doing that .

    At least you do have something unique and thought-provoking to offer rather than just keeping to the script – any script – and the courage of your convictions to state them. 🙂

    • There is something a bit perverse about “a herd of bulls” even if I love frolicking with the wolves. I sincerely hope that the MHRM doesn’t become that which they purport to be fighting–a new group-think. I can certainly appreciate your sentiments.

      If I knew exactly what I was trying to achieve I perhaps would have more courage of my convictions. Meanwhile, I’m just glad to be alive. I cherish your viewpoint and find myself feeling uplifted by your comments which is about the highest compliment I can muster for a fellow human.

  4. I often say in relationships people are fighting the last war and making their current partner pay for the sins of their predecessor. It’s tragic really.

    Anyway thanks for visiting my blog. Yours is interesting.

  5. “But here’s the thing: it irks me that when I participate in a Men’s blog—adding a comment—why I am repeatedly replied to under the assumption that I am a) a feminist; b) like the other women who apparently hurt the other commenters in some way..”

    Perhaps this is what they are used to seeing – predictable comments with predictable people behind them. So when someone new comes along, they don’t understand what they did “wrong”. And there ARE lots of predictable comments too, so it’s hard to avoid being lumped with them. But it gets better if you’re around longer and people get to know you. That’s been my experience.

    • I just love to complain sometimes. It seems to get me a little sympathy which makes me feel all girlish.
      When one can be nourished just as easily from insults as compliments it essentially renders one bullet proof. That really pisses some people off. 🙂

  6. I’m a thirty year old man who has never been in a relationiship but I’ve never considered myself apart of the MGTOW movement. My bachelorhood has never been a political statement. I don’t considered myself a feminine male except for the fact that I’ve always been a really quiet person. Since starting elementary school I struggled with selective mutism which was never cured so by the time I graduated highschool I had zero friends and never dated. Most people I went to school with never heard me talk. Shyness, especially the extreme shyness I had, is a curse especially for men. Had I been a woman men probably would have approached me but sadly the reverse is almost never true. Feminists who complain about “harassment,” which is usually just men hitting on them, have probably never had to experience the suffering of being ignored.

    But I’m at the point now where I don’t think I’ll have be in a romantic relationship. It’s not that I’m jaded or angry, it’s just that I’ve grown so accustom to being alone I don’t think I’d know how to function in a relationship.

    • I have some experience with what you call “mutism” by observation of specific individuals with various degrees of this condition and my own shyness in youth (brought on by being “the new kid” every couple of years).

      While it is true that an attractive, young, shy woman probably gets more attention than the male counterpart this dynamic changes over time so dramatically that I have seen women completely fall apart when their magnetism fails. It might even be a better deal for some–men and women–to “peak” in social attractiveness later in life.

      Those who “peak” early through no effort of their own have nowhere to go do they?

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