Some people assume that just because I’m a male supremacist, on certain romantic, civic, and moral issues, that means that I’ve never experienced the worst of men, or that I believe that all women must be submissive to all men at all times, or that all people are happier in a male-dominated heterosexual relationship. Those suppositions are just not true.
Meanwhile, I’ve had all manner of horrible things befall me, with the majority of the actors being male, albeit with women always having some sort of role even if that role is not immediately apparent. I therefore look after myself the best that I can even though I prefer life as the submissive under protection of a man who I Love, respect, and admire. However, until I willingly make such a choice under a man who will have me, I am my own agent.
It is an uncomfortable situation which I attempt to make the best of by, at the least, making a record, of sorts, of my revelations.
In a perfect world I would have parents, family, and community who would look after me before, during, and after such a choice to commit to and submit to a man, with “after” representing a case of abandonment or his death. Similarly, I understand that a man requires support systems of his own in various capacities.
No man is an island and certainly no woman.
In our dystopia, government performs the function of parents, family, and community, and dysfunctionally so. Moreover, associations not approved by our government/monopoly “partnership” are forbidden in one way or another, with the smoking bans one way of discouraging even conversation.
In my case, I have today nearly no one but family—who I cannot trust nor rely on—and friends who I can rely on only situationally. That last is no fault of my friends, but rather a consequence of my being removed from society by The Han for 13 years, and returned to it socially alienated and misfiring, and then largely but voluntarily sheltered by Axel for another four years to include a move away from his own friends and family who he had already largely voluntarily abandoned for his own reasons.
We returned to a portion of his BDSM and swinger acquaintances as a measure of a form of “social life” such as I was denied by The Han in The Andes. He bore this as a favor to me. I do not and still do not readily meld into what passes as “society” among vanillas, except for limited superficial duration. Certainly not as a matter of choice. However, being that the BDSM “community” is now thoroughly poisoned by SJW’s, I am now forced to negotiate vanilla life among aliens. It is awkward, particularly when I am suddenly conferred authority I do not wish to possess.
I would rather rely on one mortal man, and take my chances at survival after his death than to be married to the government or entrenched within a community who I cannot relate to or vice versa. At the same time, a life with such a man on whom I can rely and vice versa is worth more to me than prioritizing my survival after the fact, as evidenced by my current predicament. I made my bed and am lying in it but at least I have my integrity.
However when it comes to men in general, I don’t hold them blameless in terms of the outcomes of the pathology that is Feminism. Far from it. When I was growing up, it was mostly men who were urging me to a) be promiscuous, b) be a career woman, c) not have children, d) be independent. Of those four, I’m glad I didn’t have children, but as for the other items, I didn’t have much of a choice in terms of my own survival. I am not sure that most women within my demographic did or do.
However, power-mongering via government and Feminism by that demographic—my demographic—isn’t merited. By definition we are the offspring of demographic dupes themselves.
I was not confronted with tons of options when it came to marriage. Those few proposals I did receive were bad moves—not so much because of insufficient hypergamy but rather too many areas of incompatibility or not enough in the way of sheer practical game plans. I’ve largely been uninterested in egalitarian relationships but it somewhat surprised me to find out that so many men who were interested in me earned so much less than I did, had worse credit ratings, were less responsible, etc., and otherwise wanted me to pick up the slack. One could say that I didn’t have the best of taste but it was also true that I had poor defenses or sense of boundaries as a consequence of very poor upbringing to include sexual abuse. Moreover various demographic realities that were ultimately a consequence of the entire Progressive Era of amendments to the U.S. Constitution resulted in fewer choices for a woman of my age, a “Baby Buster,” on the tail end of the “Baby Boom”.
The number of men destroyed by the prevailing trends of my era to include the Vietnam War, the Great Society, the Drug Wars, and Counterculture cannot be overestimated. I also diverge from many so-called “traditionalists,” when it comes to the supposed bliss of the “Nuclear Family,” in terms of suburban and consumerist Hell and lack of ability for self-actualization in terms of both the commuter husband and the consumerist wife. The “traditional” Socialism of an imposed egalitarianism within a manufactured community of the 1950’s and 1960’s was a logical step toward today’s dystopia even if the former may have appeared more homogeneous prior to forced multiculturalism and thereby can easily be seen as an improvement over today.
Prior to marrying for the one and only time, there was a particular Nisei with whom I was very much in love, but he didn’t believe in marriage. He was not handsome by conventional standards and with more than a passing resemblance to this guy (albeit anatomically correct and then some):
I worshiped that great big warm face of his, those short little stout legs, great big round belly, his long black hair, and you know what else. We had pleasant companionship including during extensive travel together, and I appreciated his mechanical ability, creativity, strength, beautifully deeply resonant voice, and our high sexual compatibility.
I was relieved that he was not a drinker or drug user except for a tobacco habit, as I tend to gravitate toward smokers, as is my choice, even though I was not myself smoking at the time.
His career in movie production was also admirable albeit somewhat problematic in that it would appear he worked extra hard to cushion nepotistic slackers around him, and those same types were part and parcel of our social life together.
I therefore made an effort to expand our social life within the BDSM community into which I was already well-entrenched, until it became apparent that we were both cushioning pathetic and dysfunctional slackers around us and otherwise adding more than what we were gaining by the association.
On the negative side of a more serious note however were political and spiritual incompatibility, and then there was his daughter.
It was the daughter who eventually succeeded in driving me away, which was her intention all along. This goal was doubtlessly encouraged by her girlfriends who it would seem all wanted to sleep with her father but recognized her as an ally who could, at the least, drive me out of the picture. Although we had an open relationship, apparently the energy he wished to expend on me was considered to be contrary to their ends of his complete subservience to their ambitions. The daughter was a college student with a steady boyfriend who, in my view, was being psychologically abused by her as well.
When I broke up with her father, she was pregnant, to abandon the father of the child soon afterward, as I was so apprised by the grapevine, while my then fiancé still allowed me some access to it. Meanwhile, daughter already had her father at her beck and call, and with a grandchild, so much the more so, and therefore apparently saw no need to keep the baby’s father around, except for financial support.
She was only 10 years or so younger than I was but considered herself my superior, so it seemed. Her mother was very pleasant and agreeable and was surprisingly sympathetic to me in terms of her daughter’s controlling behavior and desire to see her ex-lover/ex-husband happy, even though she was more than ten years older than I was, Ashkenazi Jewish, unmarried, and had become a lesbian. The Nisei was twenty years older.
Perhaps she was aware that I had had my tubes tied and therefore had no ambitions in terms of dynasty.
The father’s political and spiritual views were all a part of the negative dynamic. It was ironic that he was such a chivalrous feminist, for instance, giving his daughter so much control over his life along with female friends who flat out expected him to wait on them, while meanwhile I was his submissive and adored him even if he also spoiled me, as was his volition.
In those days, I was a Liberal and a Democrat, but not nearly as far Left as he was, and I believed in a superior being, as I do now. While it was true that he would spoil me with fancy restaurants, travel, and gifts. I didn’t think those things necessary, but I enjoyed them, while mostly enjoying the obvious attention and affection they represented. However, I would have been happier with commitment from him and a less extravagant lifestyle to involve significant financial contribution from me as my own career in technical writing was advancing as a buffer in the event that the volatile egos that he catered to in the movie business should self-destruct. Since he had gotten his start with corporate and advertising video production, I could keep a channel open for him for similar endeavors within my own contacts. All of this of course contributed to my threat level in terms of the show business coven within which he was entrenched.
I believe now that in his opposition to marriage, he was compensating for a deep insecurity which he kept tightly concealed to include his own guilt for his own masculine sexuality—a shame given how sexually and dynamically gifted he was. I certainly did my best to assure him of how appreciated he was by me. Ironically, I find the current state-sanctioned definition of marriage to be problematic myself; however, lacking a decent alternative I certainly do not condemn the practice for others even if I advise undertaking less-state-sanctioned methods of protection from a predatory spouse or other family members.
Of course, the daughter did me a favor in revealing to me just how shallow was that dominance of her father’s over me, without complete ownership of me, ability to stand up to his daughter, or negotiate the brainwashing of Leftism and Atheism. But that doesn’t mean that the depth of my feelings for him weren’t real, and perhaps contributed to my vulnerability when The Han came a-courting. At last a man who I could submit to who wanted to keep me around! An MD, PhD who had lived around the world! A sophisticate! He wanted me!
Finally I was able to shed myself of The Nisei without remorse. I had tried to break up with him twice before but would melt when he would call me or show up at my door and it was during such a break up that the possibility of reconciliation was foiled by The Han in similarly underhanded fashion as employed by the female Sansei. (I’ve decided not to reveal details that others might imitate.)
I was so relieved not to remain unmarried forever even if in hindsight it was the worst mistake of my life. Meanwhile, I would not be missing that daughter, for sure, albeit retained melancholy feelings for the man I was never to see again but with no regrets in leaving him. I merely wish an alternative branch had presented itself.
(Found the Nisei on Facebook, still alive, kicking, pumping iron, and a Bernie Sanders supporter. Fare thee well. I’m glad that he is far away in a State I wouldn’t consider, as I’m sure that the political arguments would be as explosive as the sex was when I believed in him.)
It would seem to me that as much as I admire the character and wisdom of men overall when compared to women, the Achilles Heel of men is always women. That first glance at mother in infancy creates an irrational bond that cannot be dissolved by mere rhetoric or even maturity entirely, even if she was highly inadequate and perhaps especially when she was highly inadequate. For some men, like the aforementioned, that hypnotic power is eclipsed by the power of their daughters. In all cases, it would seem that the more dysfunctional the relationship, the stronger the influence. Therefore, the burgeoning State has an investment in keeping maternal bonds dysfunctional.
Similarly, vain, narcissistic, immature men would not have been able to survive and reproduce if they weren’t enabled by women to do so. This doesn’t say a lot for those women who are that gullible to believe that their own empowerment is better than submitting to a superior man. I mean, who cares if a man does housework, dishes, and childcare? Who cares if he is an obedient corporate clotheshorse? Who cares that he is so obsessed with trappings of class that he forgets that he is a man? Why is a man capable of those things considered by feminists to be superior to one who disdains such acts as a matter of course unless absolutely necessary?
(Why do men I meet seem to expect that I want these things? Why is this sort of supplication considered foreplay that will cause me to be sexually aroused? Vanilla dating is difficult! How has the species survived!)
What is so wrong with waiting on a man who one loves and admires, and deferring to him, rather than some impersonal employer or customer? How would it be that putting me on a pedestal is supposed to result in my arousal! What? Does it work on anyone?
That said, considering my intellectual and world achievement, combined with my own dysfunctional childhood and poor role models, I knew it was never going to be easy for me to find someone who not only could I look up to and admire but he would be confident that he could be “enough of a man” for me. It hasn’t gotten easier despite my inclinations for spreading my reach internationally.
I don’t personally believe that it is doing women a favor to overly emphasize their achievement or celebrity at the expense of men, and children. As for the appropriate solution to a situation where there is an overabundance of unmarriageable women in a generation? I tend to lean toward voluntary lesbian colonies, but without undue influence on political discourse, and therefore isolated.
Suffice to say, I would rather have death than to be such an inmate myself. I’ll settle for a used RV while I am a caretaker on a modest farm. That’s the extent of my lonely ambitions today. I think that I am recovered well enough from my experiences to care for certain livestock. Oh joy. Survival. Alone. How empowering.
Because of my complicated sexual persona, I naturally have to be very careful as to what sort of man I would trust enough to become intimate with, and my standards are very high in terms of scarcity. When women condescend to me as well, however, I bristle. I have rejected the female hive mind and reject men overly deferential to it.
Although I don’t really have a culture, myself, because of all the moves throughout my life, and necessary alienation from my immediate family, I don’t think culture and values are superficial at all, and like it or not, such things tend to be associated with geography, race, class, and religion or belief system. Flattening out those differences superficially will simply result in less excellence while meanwhile entrenching those with the least character in positions of authority, to include the movie business.
Everybody’s a critic.
caprizchka 