There are many theories going around as to the two recent shootings in Orlando Florida. This is an urgent call to demand the detaining, questioning, and otherwise inconveniencing of one infamous vixen by the name of Dita Von Teese.
Miss Dita Von Teese is the former wife of Marilyn Manson, the artist responsible for the Columbine massacre. Miss Von Teese is thereby an appeaser of the chief bewitcher of Goth-music-loving young men who sadly became so disturbed by listening to this music, that they shot up a school. She’s “The Devil’s Music” muse!
The Climate of Hate brought about by Donald Trump is a similar menace.
It is this Climate of Hate which caused, one, or perhaps two confused young men, according to some accounts, or even three, to fire off guns within a closed building for a surprisingly long time, just like at Columbine.
With a reputation like hers, Miss Von Teese, is a highly suspicious person who needs to be questioned immediately. There is no time to waste. She could be appeasing who knows how many horrible straight men who would dare sell a gun to a poor confused son of an immigrant Afghanistani politician who just happens to have a security clearance. She might even be a Trump supporter!
That Columbine is a weapons-manufacturing town is of no concern whatsoever. Neither are the preponderance of Gay Republicans in Orlando. That information should have no bearing on Miss Von Teese’s highly suspiciously tight corset.
Fortunately, all places where people who gather in order to learn, play, listen, or whatever, can protect themselves from the cruel influence of Miss Von Teese by installing extremely expensive thought-control devices at their entrances, and frisking all corset-wearers…
And cigar smokers! (See comments).