Not Female Enough

Men who have learned all their feminism and chivalry lessons from women and who have succeeded in garnering the favors of same tend to look at me as a puzzle. Considering themselves successful in their understanding of women, then either I must be a freak or in need of educating. It is only men who have been seriously burned by women, in my experience, who are the least bit open to the idea that most women do not know what they want but rather are either wholly victimized by propaganda, or cynically use such propaganda to their own ends. I’ve often been the target of outright hostility from “white knights” who consider me an enemy of all the good, empowered, and/or victimized women of their experience, or at least worthy of conversion. If the typical Leftist considers himself to be more intelligent and educated than the typical Conservative, then any challenges to one’s reality need to be dealt with aggressively.

Similarly, those men who have achieved some degree of sexual satisfaction with women despite a tendency to over-emote or otherwise display the “sensitivity” and “vulnerability” that supposedly feminists desire might similarly emote as a means of attempting to educate an anti-feminist woman such as myself to get into line.

As for men who have come to believe that women are the enemy or cannot be trusted then I am a threat to that wordview as well, especially if I cause a crack in it.

It would seem that most men who I encounter in my daily life these days are at somewhat of a loss with me such that there is some insistence that I take on a more aggressive role in the relationship even if I cannot seem to muster up the enthusiasm.

For one, as a woman, I’m supposed to know what I want. In a lot of ways, that’s true, but I don’t think it can be taught. Therefore, I prefer to keep my own counsel which I suppose makes me even more of a puzzle. If it is any help, I prefer to meet a man on his own turf rather than to introduce him to mine. I learn more about a man who introduces me to a part of his world than I would by randomly introducing him to my new environment, which I haven’t even fully adapted to myself. This also allows me to see whether I can adapt to his.

One of the realms of womanhood that is elusive to me is the notion of “domesticity”. As much as I like to cook, and don’t mind housework, modern home decor and accoutrements are foreign elements to me. I’m therefore not in the least put off by workshops, garages, farms, and other places where the action that occurs within them is more important than the decor. Whereas the modern suburban living room seems “foreign” to me, the kitchen less so as it is a place where creations are manufactured. Similarly, the outdoors is more beautiful to me than a museum and I prefer disarray over anal-retentive order.

I don’t particularly enjoy shopping. although some food stores, for instance, are so well-equipped that it is a pleasure. Shopping at a farm however provides far more appeal.

Another area of femininity which I lack is social inquisitiveness. I don’t tend to ask people a lot of questions about themselves. I like to think that I’m a good listener but I expect the speaker to say what he or she wants to say rather than converse just for the sake of it. For this reason I’ll often miss out on details that are important to other people such as where they grew up, how many siblings they have, whether their parents are living, and so on. I readily admit to not having a lot of interest in these mundane details. Rather, I’m far more interested in what a person thinks about current events, issues, politics, religion, and sex, than whether they learned how to ride a pony when they were six. I might even forget to ask what a person does for a living.

I’m not likely to achieve a major transformation away from these personality tics without the aid of serious hypnosis. Simply attempting to shame me for my lack of femininity is useless. Why would any man find that to be a reasonable approach?


18 thoughts on “Not Female Enough

  1. Pingback: Not Female Enough –

  2. I had a little trouble understanding this piece. Are you saying you’re not feminine enough or feminist enough. The paragraph says you get yelled at by white knights and feminist dudes because you don’t buy the victim schtick, but then later you say you get yelled at because you don’t do normal female stuff. I would think the latter just means you’re a tomboy, who, ironically are often more traditional because they circumvent cliched female “tropes”, going right to the nitty gritty (i.e., just want a good man, etc.).. that’s kinda like my ex; she tried to shame me because I wasn’t the handyman type, which was kinda cool. I like when women tell guys to “man up”, provided they “woman up” when it’s necessary. Or maybe I’m way off base…

    • I’m deficient, it would seem in both femininity and feminism. I do not lament the latter deficiency but don’t see what I can do about the former. I’m more of a writer personality than a tomboy which means that I tend to over-analyze before actually accomplishing anything. Lately, I’ve been having difficulty even defining myself, and a great deal of that has to do with morning the loss of my Dominant. I’m afraid that merely meeting prevailing expectations of “female-ness”, that is, conformity to prevailing norms whether on the Left or Right is not something I’m capable of doing.

      I share your ex’s admiration of “handymen” however that requires some sort of apprenticeship such that those men who learn how to be handy simply by reading books often make comical mistakes. Degradation of fraternal associations, men’s clubs, and other opportunities for men to bond means that handymen are scarce. It is a lot easier to learn how to cook, clean, sexually please a man, etc., than it is to even be the least bit “masculine”. To be “feminine” is so easy that many transwomen succeed at it.

      However, “thinking like a woman” seems to elude me. I suspect that it requires some sort of “apprenticeship” as well. Both maternal and paternal neglect have downstream effects. I’m practically an orphan on both fronts. That said, I would hope that I could become whatever a man desired of me, assuming that is even possible at my age with my baggage.

  3. “I share your ex’s admiration of “handymen” however that requires some sort of apprenticeship such that those men who learn how to be handy simply by reading books often make comical mistakes. ” So? The other thing men have that women do not is the ability to laugh at themselves, brush it off, live and learn. That’s why men who succeed, because they’re not afraid of failure.

    I don’t know what you mean by thinking like a woman; are you implying you’re too rational? I have female friends who are women, but think like men, i.e. extremely analytical. Want to think like a woman? Here’s your apprentice ship: go on OKCupid, find a guy who clearly has no experience with women and message him about one of his nerdiest hobbies and start a dialogue with him, then, set up a date, then, at the last minute, come up with a bogus excuse that sounds just plausible enough, but everyone knows is b.s.

    • I’ve had some pretty formidable successes as well as colosal failures. However, competing with men in male-oriented endeavors has served to attract the wrong sorts of men and/or attract female admirers, neither of which has served me in the long run.

      I’m more proud of my cookbook which represents the success of contributing to the well-being of the man who I’ve most admired than my professional accomplishments.

      I tend to come up with unconventional conclusions and solutions which cause consternation. I believe that there has been so much in the way of shaming of men that men expect to be shamed when they don’t have complete agreement with the woman and this results in defensiveness. However, in my own defense, I do not need to be right unless one is talking about hard won philosophical beliefs. I’m pretty dogmatic there. I’d still like to believe that I can always learn something.

      I also think that men pay a disproportionate cost in seeming to align themselves with an outlier woman today, in sort of a Neo-Puritan “witch hunt” mentality. Since I tend to offend Feminists including women who do not specifically identify as such but hold onto propaganda-driven precepts, then it is risky to align with me. To risk the chance of being rejected by the feminine hive mind is not a risk most men will take, especially given that I’m older and not as hot as I used to be. Risking a repair job of an appliance doesn’t have the same fallout.

      • I appreciate your taking the time to respond. Being that I’m not as smart as I wish I was, I have a few questions about this response, so I apologize if this is getting tedious.

        “However, competing with men in male-oriented endeavors has served to attract the wrong sorts of men”

        Too effeminate, too weird?

        “I also think that men pay a disproportionate cost in seeming to align themselves with an outlier woman today, in sort of a Neo-Puritan “witch hunt” mentality.”

        I don’t know what you mean by this. I re-read three times, and I just don’t get, haha… I swear I’m not slow!

        “Since I tend to offend Feminists including women who do not specifically identify as such but hold onto propaganda-driven precepts, then it is risky to align with me.”

        Why is it risky? Romantically or just like philosophically. If the latter than I’m a man of give no shits.

        “To risk the chance of being rejected by the feminine hive mind is not a risk most men will take, especially given that I’m older and not as hot as I used to be.”

        I don’t really understand this part either. Are you just saying men are intimidated to talk to women?

        “Risking a repair job of an appliance doesn’t have the same fallout.”

        What fallout is that? I’m not feigning ignorance, but just not getting the full scope of what you’re saying.

      • Not tedious. I’m flattered by the curiosity.

        “Too effeminate, too weird?”

        More like manipulative, passive, or outright deceptive.

        I think that it is a reflection of changing times that it is no longer socially verboten to criticize or ignore feminists like it used to be. Younger men who are reading the manosphere and antifeminist literature are starting to realize that the benefits of pandering to these women are scant to nonexistent.

        In my generation however, the most enlightened merely ignore or don’t take them seriously. Actually criticizing them or even recognizing the social dangers is for the younger set.

        Part of the change is that young women are turning away from these harpies. That’s the signal to young men that they’re not going to be socially punished by criticizing the older feminists. It’s actually a hopeful sign that you don’t understand my plaint. Doesn’t much help my generation, though, unless you guys start raising the consciousness of your fathers.

        Men my age just starting to realize that they’ve been duped are often too bitter to risk romance with a woman of my demographic, and I can hardly blame them.

        Should consciousness raising occur on a broader scale for my generation and older, I reckon my romantic chances will improve as a result. There’s my self interest or proof that I’m female, I guess.

      • Ha, really? Your chances at romance suck that bad? Crazy. A cigar chomping, un-PC broad can’t snag a man? Doubtful. Yeah, it’s weird. I’m 32 years old, but I’ve always been a “give no fucks” kinda person. I do remember things getting weird when I was at college like almost a decade ago and picked up a book from the women’s center called “Transforming a Rape Culture” and I didn’t know what it was, or that we allegedly lived in one. Then I went out with some buddies and was ogling a waitress, going, “wow, look at her ass in that skirt” and my buddy goes, “you’re saying that and you have Transforming a Rape Culture?” And I go, “Yeah, I don’t see any contradiction”, you know Spinal Tap, “what’s wrong with being sexy?” “not sexy, sex-ist!” I read some of the articles and I was like, “what the fuck?” and that was the end of that. Never stopped calling sluts sluts either. And I LIKE sluts. I don’t do slut shaming, I do slut praising. I’m part of the punk, metal, noise, indie, whatever scene, and people know I’m the anti-feminist Trump supporting guy, but because I’m charming and funny, I get a pass; I did get blacklisted by Detroit feminists. If any of them see me at the bar, they’re not to sleep with me at any cost! I’ve also gotten yelled at for grabbing a girl’s ass or two. Nope, not a mangina. I was for about a week when I was obsessed with this one chick, but that’s done and gone.

      • Delighted to make your acquaintance, Sir. I see a lot of hope in your generation, particularly among the manosphere and PUA’s. My scene, on the other hand, the BDSM MDHL scene, is pretty well dead for my generation except for those already, happily in situations not benefiting from the addition of me.

        The Vietnam War, Feminism, and Leftism killed my chances. As for the Dominant men who’ve survived these things in this country? They have their choice of women and I seem like too much trouble because I am damaged goods yet demand more intimacy than a lot of them want to chance. I’m actually easy to get along with, with a good success record other than my marriage from Hell. I just believe in being up front about my situation. It isn’t as if I can hide it.

        I’m good with men who have survived dreadful relationship. We can share war stories. I help them recover. On that score my record is very positive.

        As for my last relationship, with Axel, my ultimate, it was beyond my wildest dreams. Not an easy standard to live up to.

        I’m so embarrassed for my demographic. It wasn’t entirely our fault, of course, or our mothers, but rather the aforementioned external factors, among others, in my view.

        I’m glad that your generation is finally transcending all that. I hope that there’s something resembling an economy and perhaps even a nation for you when my generation is done with it.

        Don’t let anyone tell you that heterosexual women do not like being treated as sex objects. The only thing is that it is nice to have something after all the sexual prime heyday is over. The solution as I see it is not vanilla thereby female-dominated relationships. Young women are being sold a bill of goods. I’m glad to see so many young women wising up. The men are getting to that conclusion first of course.

        Thank you so much for commenting.

      • A pleasure to make yours as well! Thanks for responding to my comments. I personally don’t consider myself PUA, MRA or MGTOW. I’m sympathetic to their causes, but I don’t consider myself part of groups. I figure being a Trump supporter is good enough. BDSM, meaning bondage? I personally don’t know you enough to determine if you’re too much trouble, haha; you seem pretty cool online. I don’t know what “too much trouble” even means, and I’m not trying to sound like a feminist and say, “women are great!” but I’ve never had that much trouble beyond just not getting along with someone; maybe it’s because I’ve never dated above an 8 or a maybe even a high 7. I just go with whoever makes me horny. I honestly don’t know what my generation is or isn’t doing. I meet a lot of people who think like me online, but not in real life, especially not in the punky circles I hang with. Even before I knew about the manosphere, I never once questioned that women liked to be objectified; I never had problems with strip clubs, etc.. Again, maybe it’s because I’m midway millenial and wasn’t brainwashed by the universities, but yeah, I definitely objectify women all the time. I didn’t even think maginas existed until I met my roommate Chris. Hard to believe he was in the military; he’d make snarky jokes when I’d talk about looking at naked chicks, like it was something to be laughed at. Maybe if Trump gets elected, we’ll bring some masculinity to the world. I basically say I want to live in a modernized version of the 1950s. Same mentality but with more violent movies and cuss words.

  4. men who have come to believe that women are the enemy

    I’ve never understood this belief. Although more than a few older/ugly/fat women tend to see me as “the enemy”- usually the ones that seem to believe all men are the enemy – mostly because I enjoy women. And I enjoy all that women bring to me that only women can. This is of course of a sexual nature – or through their submissiveness, but it all comes down to women being what women are and tend to enjoy being. (Although few will admit it, they respond appropriately.) Of course the Feminists that believe women should try to be men, are the ones I have no use for. If I want something done, I hire whomever offers me the best deal. I have services that do my laundry, clean my house, detail my cars, etc – and they do it for a reasonable fee without complaint – something that is my due as a man. I pay for it – but only in money.

    I enjoy women for what only they can give to me. So when I hear non-sense about a woman NOT being a sex object, I just have to laugh. That is the power of women, and young women understand that on a fundamental level, if they want to fore-go that power, I have no use for them. Women that reject their femininity are not my enemy, they are “non-beings” like furniture – and to be pitied. For they have rejected the ONLY thing that they had of value.

    But today the speech-Nazi’s (Liberals/Feminists) hate any man that speaks the truth. Doesn’t change the facts though… That is why that ilk – the SJW’s have to stamp out the truth – lest others see the truth in it and ignore them…

    Don’t let anyone tell you that heterosexual women do not like being treated as sex objects.

    EXACTLY… The ones that scream the loudest are the ones that no man would ever see as a “sex-object”… And they hate that and try to deprive other women of that experience. This is why the older I get, the more convinced I am that women tend to hate other women… It is only men that love women… So of course, we are the “enemy”…

    • So true. I’m thinking it is time for a nice lesbian colony somewhere, on an island. Perhaps if they sold eggs or wool or something, visitors would brave the insults.

      I can say that even though my time in the sun is over. I would still prefer to be around young people with vitality than old, fat, ugly miserable people angry that I don’t identify with them. People who are unhappy seem to desire to bring everyone down to their level.

      I like women, but for the most part I avoid them as too much trouble and misery. That’s a shame.

      By the way, I think it is sad that you’re reduced to paying for “women’s work”. It’s not bad work. I certainly enjoyed doing it for the man I loved. Ironing his shirts it would seem was the big controversial activity. Women are supposed to hate ironing perhaps because it makes them sweat which is supposed to be a “low class” thing to do unless one is paying for the privilege at a gym or while running or otherwise being self-involved.

      I miss the smell of him. It reassured me that I was feeding him well. That was all part of it. I think sometimes that Mark Twain was so right about “soap”: “Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.”–
      (

      • “Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.”

        I like it…. Most of my life has been dedicated to getting the life I want. But today you have to be “smart” about it. I could mention some of the things, but the convolutions would make your head spin. It’s all “legal” – doesn’t make it what most people would look at and think of as being “fair” or “right” – but that is crazy-talk these days. So, I, a white-male, have minority owned businesses that make me money – although it all goes into “trusts” that aren’t US entities, so who can say what the ethnicity of a trust is. Games… But lucrative ones…

        Embrace insanity and you can enjoy life – if you’re smart about it – and keep a low profile.

        I have to say my favorite quote to sum up the 21st century came from Bill Clinton, when he said, “It depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is…” So, I have refined what the definition of things are to fit my needs… Women, business, life – it’s all up for redefinition… Only a fool limits himself… If you don’t like how things are played – change the rules… Redefine, “is”…

      • Glad to hear that life is going well for you. Need a not-so-smart-about-it over-the-hill off-the-books “employee” at any of your enterprises offshore? I travel exceedingly well and make very poor personal business decisions. However, I’m hardworking and imaginative, with a high rate of success in increasing the wealth of others. What’s not to like?

  5. Pingback: The Pleasure of Foolishness | caprizchka

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s