Things I Need to Learn


While I’m stuck here, in Southwest Florida, there are a few things I’m going to need to pound into my thick skull in order to lead a peaceful, non-molested existence. For example:

Global warming is real. Sell all your valuable coastal property now to surprisingly ignorant wealthy foreign investors.

Women need more civic, financial, legal, social, sexual, and cultural power because they deserve it after millennia of oppression. All women benefit when poor and working men lose their jobs and freedom, because men are bad.

Voting is the most important thing you can do, especially when it comes to the President, because, after all, he (or she) is the moral leader, like a King (or Queen).

Republicans, being patriarchal, are immoral, and Democrats are the good guys or rather the rightfully female or woman-like minority goodpersons. These two parties are rivals such that they represent Evil vs. Good, respectively. Fortunately, there are some Good Republicans who would rather see a Democrat in office than succumb to Evil.

Trust your doctor. There is no cost too great for FDA-approved immortality, but only if there is no carbon footprint (for bad people; good people are entitled to all the carbon they can burn.)

Walls are bad, unless they surround the properties of rich liberals.

Smoking is the cause of all disease and there is no redeeming qualities in the tobacco plant. Now that worldwide, smoking is down, all diseases are down. Diseases are bad. Good people don’t get them. Lung cancer that is a consequence of breast cancer results from the behavior of Bad people who shame breasts or who smoke sometimes within a 100 mile radius of Good people, or who refuse vaccines. Vaccines are good as they have eradicated all bad diseases for which they were designed, or would have, if there weren’t a few Bad people who have refused them.

Disagreement with majority thought is a mental illness or pharmaceutical deficiency. To cure it, take your pills and go to approved discussion groups where you can learn how to think Good by means of Good group affirmation.

All public schools are good. We need more of them and to otherwise throw money at them. All deficiencies of public schools and universities can be attributed to not enough money.

Good people don’t need money, only a Good cell in the Good hive.

Safety, security, conformity, and lack of privacy make for a better world.

Everything you need to know about a person can be found by looking at his, her, or its presence in social media or by chatting online. Actual human contact is a waste of time because Good people have no secrets.

Knowledge is free and it is on television and on the internet, therefore, travelling is unnecessary.

I’m interested in emigrating to more expansive environs where I can be free to rid myself of these notions. If you’d like to have a Caprizchka in your country, please inquire within.












11 thoughts on “Things I Need to Learn

  1. Pingback: Things I Need to Learn –

  2. Probably I will sound preachy, not consciously intending it: as I see Western Civilization crumbling around me I resist falling into a funk (i.e., resisting my natural tendency toward grumpiness, now augmented by old-ageness) by noting that history has seen these cycles before and parts of the world have recovered, even flourished; and, if one’s environment is not unduly harsh, one can mentally “eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive.”

    • As much as I tend to gravitate toward curmudgeons, there is surely some blessing toward a sort of rose-colored-glasses dementia. It would be the best argument for tobacco cessation I’ve ever heard, that is to make one’s biting wit less acute. Kittens, so I’ve heard, also facilitate this softening.

  3. Safety, security, conformity, and lack of privacy make for a better world.

    No. Firearms and being able to hit what you aim at brings safety and security. Encryption brings security. Doing what you want, brings joy and makes life worth living. (Yes, I start a fire in my fireplace in the summer with the AC on high just so I can have sex on the bear-skin in front of it, and because I can and I know it would make the Obama-monkeys scream and throw feces.) Conformity is bad – so kill it with fire…

    Global warming replaced global cooling when Gore bought the rights to software to calculate carbon-emissions, and his software is the ONLY software approved to calculate carbon-emissions by the government – that’s why he’s a billionaire now…

    If you seek truth, follow the money and look at who stands to make it from the insane laws… Then clarity comes…

    • But…but…but then people will think I’m a smarty pants, will hide their husbands from me, and won’t like me. Children will be afraid of me. People will peer at me from behind their curtains. The neighborhood will form a committee and run me out of town.

      • I think this is where the societal differences between men and women are most clear. The man that doesn’t play by the rules is seen as a leader (or renegade) and women are drawn to that type of man, and men will follow him so he receives reinforcement for being different, whereas women are shunned, and the man-children will criticize when they secretly want to be like him. So women hide who they are, when around “normal” people, but the renegade is what they seek out, so they play the games of society – whereas real men do what they want. Although these days there are too many man-children out there raised by Mommy that have never butchered a deer or made anything with their hands… They sicken me the most – and sicken women too…

        I see Trump as the perfect example of the renegade, he doesn’t apologize for saying what he believes, or has done, and so many others are brow-beaten to be quiet that they are tired of it. I have friends that say, “I’d never admit this to anyone else, but I’m voting for Trump.” Why do they tell me? Because I’ve been for him for a simple reason – the enemy of my enemy is my friend… So as long as the enemies of what works, hate him, I will support him… That is why he’ll win – few people will admit it, but everyone is SICK of the liberal BS and are tired of being criticized for having an opinion that isn’t that of the libtard-leftist-commie-pinko-freaks…

        Besides, isn’t a lot more fun to scandalize the sheeple? And you don’t have to worry about the women hiding their husbands, the husbands will find you on their own… 😉

      • LOL. So true. My problem is that I don’t have much use for damaged men who want me only to dump their problems on me. The wives needn’t worry on that account. Where the problems start is when I encourage him to develop a spine. It becomes clear who (ironically) gave him “permission”.

  4. @just Saying: Good Comment (i.e. I agree with its tone and content). Can it be simply that Trump is an unapologetic alpha male, and we are tired of wusses dominating the public conversation? .

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