While I’m stuck here, in Southwest Florida, there are a few things I’m going to need to pound into my thick skull in order to lead a peaceful, non-molested existence. For example:
Global warming is real. Sell all your valuable coastal property now to surprisingly ignorant wealthy foreign investors.
Women need more civic, financial, legal, social, sexual, and cultural power because they deserve it after millennia of oppression. All women benefit when poor and working men lose their jobs and freedom, because men are bad.
Voting is the most important thing you can do, especially when it comes to the President, because, after all, he (or she) is the moral leader, like a King (or Queen).
Republicans, being patriarchal, are immoral, and Democrats are the good guys or rather the rightfully female or woman-like minority goodpersons. These two parties are rivals such that they represent Evil vs. Good, respectively. Fortunately, there are some Good Republicans who would rather see a Democrat in office than succumb to Evil.
Trust your doctor. There is no cost too great for FDA-approved immortality, but only if there is no carbon footprint (for bad people; good people are entitled to all the carbon they can burn.)
Walls are bad, unless they surround the properties of rich liberals.
Smoking is the cause of all disease and there is no redeeming qualities in the tobacco plant. Now that worldwide, smoking is down, all diseases are down. Diseases are bad. Good people don’t get them. Lung cancer that is a consequence of breast cancer results from the behavior of Bad people who shame breasts or who smoke sometimes within a 100 mile radius of Good people, or who refuse vaccines. Vaccines are good as they have eradicated all bad diseases for which they were designed, or would have, if there weren’t a few Bad people who have refused them.
Disagreement with majority thought is a mental illness or pharmaceutical deficiency. To cure it, take your pills and go to approved discussion groups where you can learn how to think Good by means of Good group affirmation.
All public schools are good. We need more of them and to otherwise throw money at them. All deficiencies of public schools and universities can be attributed to not enough money.
Good people don’t need money, only a Good cell in the Good hive.
Safety, security, conformity, and lack of privacy make for a better world.
Everything you need to know about a person can be found by looking at his, her, or its presence in social media or by chatting online. Actual human contact is a waste of time because Good people have no secrets.
Knowledge is free and it is on television and on the internet, therefore, travelling is unnecessary.
I’m interested in emigrating to more expansive environs where I can be free to rid myself of these notions. If you’d like to have a Caprizchka in your country, please inquire within.