I’d like to dedicate the following song to all the individuals involved in the elaborate set up I just survived.
I’m not worthy! How many well-meaning persons had their time wasted and how many were deliberate players?
By now you ought to realize that…
a. I’m mostly truthful except where necessary to protect the innocent.
b. I’m not bereft of resources especially when cornered by unscrupulous persons regardless of how many letters applied after the moniker. Even central Indian Psychiatrists. Bring it on, you fucking sadists. You think you invented your shit? Small potatoes is what you are.
c. My intentions are noble despite the idiocy of that notion in this day and age. In other words, I’m a fool. So? What of it? You are the ones who wasted all that time, money, resources, space, etc.
d. I am a generous person both with time and resources right up to the point where I am made a pawn in a stupid game with no noble winners evident.
e. I’m a hopeless romantic even if due to the aforementioned Math Problem the only man who can handle me is The Prince of Darkness himself and thus obeying such a man is the ultimate paradox for a Believer such as myself but at least it beats being baptised by charismatic Southern Evangelists. I have my priorities and don’t apologize for them.
f. I truly appreciate fine food especially when it’s my own recipes reasonably adapted using available ingredients—and how flattering was that? Wow. Truly honoured am I. By the way, you forgot the pine nuts.
g. You all still have no fucking idea what I have survived. That’s not an invitation for you to attempt to replicate it better only that I hope you understand that your expense reports are going to be unjustifiable if you do so.
h. I have a sense of humour even when I am the butt of the joke and everyone is in on it including me. I know. I know. I’m such a spoil sport. Deal with it.
i. I can fucking sing, you fucking bastards. Talk about a hostile audience. Cannibals! Or was that the whole point? Truly bored and jaded you must be. So sad. I guess we’ve established which one of us has the substance abuse problem. What will you do when you run out of hamburger for your grinder?
j. God exists and He ain’t you. I’ll take my chances with whatever the afterlife holds rather than be your parasitic host so, until you’re prepared to end my life, you lose. Score 1 for me.
k. I do indeed have at least two books in me that are not dastardly how-to manuals and so I had best write them soon before you pull a similar stunt and my luck runs out because God loves those who exercise their God-given talents even when they’ve been severely compromised.
As for what I learned?
1. I learned that I need to forgive those who I believe wronged me because some of them may well be innocent even if time will tell who is who.
For now, I’m got time.
2. Trump 2016!