Monogamy Math Lesson

I started to write a comment to this piece, which I heartily recommend, but then realized that my comment might offend or be considered pornographic. So please, sit on a soft chair, with a blankie, cup of coffee, kitten, and a picture of Michelle Fields dressed in white in a silver frame on the mantelpiece, before you read this, so that you are not triggered.

Now read the linked piece. I’ll wait.

Men are wonderful creatures. It is unfortunate that there aren’t enough of them to go around. I understand that monogamy was supposed to address biology, that is, prevent women from simply throwing themselves at the hottest erectile I mean fractile I mean percentile, or whatchamacallit, like “Peter.” However, a series of great wars, the Sexual Revolution, Major Media, giving women free choice, and lack of chaperones, parents, older relatives, etc., who could—in the past—be steering young women appropriately, neutralized that marvelous empire-building plan.

Not to worry. Government is here to help.

It turns out that simply adding more women to a demographic does not provide guaranteed outcomes for the shyest men, even if these women are gorgeous strippers who can crawl on their bellies like a reptile.  What’s missing? Let me think. I can’t remember. What could it be? Wait. I got it. Why I never! The check? You expect me to pick up the check? You beast!

Young nice girls full of hormones are simply not that wise (unless they are forced to be mathematically inclined, at which point many turn pro, professional, celibate, welfare, baby momma, grifter, lesbian, politician, or bureaucrat despite everyone telling them how intelligent they are because that word would appear to loosen those chastity belts like WD 40 on the less mathematically inclined).


Sorry, no husband for you, precious. Care to play again? Don’t tell me you’re out of quarters! Poor Baby. Here’s a quarter. Now how about a blow job, Baby?

Say, did you know that monogamy is the greatest invention?

It is really great. It is too bad that you are uneducated, underprivileged, ignorant, and misfortunate. Let me explain it to you while you suck on this.

I wonder how many hookers wear discrete ear plugs. If so, I imagine that the whore ear plug index could determine a hot load of economic indicators.

Now where was I? Yes. Peter.

If Peter is a handsome fool, however, then, Peter needs an advisor to tell him how to keep from getting beat up in alley ways by men who are not so nice. This advice is unlikely to be found in a government pamphlet. Nowadays only bad men form fraternal associations, for that would be Patriarchal.  Women would hate that. The “extra” ones especially. I know. Math is hard. Monogamy is good! Extra women good!

Take a nice big sip of coffee or have a good cry into your blankie now. All better?

People talk about the notion of “droit du seigneur prima nocte first night” as myth; however, this blog provides some historical basis in realistic terms not nearly as bodice ripping as ladies’ pornographic fiction:


Not fun? You deserve a box of chocolates because you are a good person for reading that!

You are beautiful!

Prima Noctum is a horrible rapey notion to moderns, especially those afflicted with the vapors, that a Peter could be so cruel and heartless as to ignore a maiden’s protestations! However, on a hierarchical economic basis—that is, the recognition that economic classes exist—this custom recognizes that wealthy parents have the privilege of protecting their daughters better than poor parents do. I know. Shocking.

All Peters are Beautiful!

I realize that math is terribly traumatic and could cause fainting and tears; however, on a realistic basis, perhaps the Peters of the world could be incentivized to dole out some of their groupies to their loyal friends (if you’ve never kept a Harem, please do not assume that it is a cakewalk, unless of course you are a government agency, because, government is good and ensures all outcomes for all wee little children, and they all lived happily ever after). Perhaps Peter could plant a kiss on the aspiring princess’s forehead thanking her for her adoration, as he hands her off to his pal, with a tender, “protect this darling virgin for me, brother.”

I look forward to a world where uncomfortable challenges to the noble intentions of lovely young vixens could be eased onto the fainting couch. Perhaps in such a world, men would realize that negative propaganda about male sexuality originates from other men desirous of protecting their business franchises, castles, empires, and daughters from them.

31 thoughts on “Monogamy Math Lesson

  1. Pingback: Monogamy Math Lesson –

  2. Caprizchka, seems like you BLAME the government for people’s (free will) & “choices” people make in life. You make some VERY good points! But at the end of the day people themselves are to blame for the way they conduct their lives. Not government, the church, The pope, (not neven drugs or alcohol) can be blamed..”We’ll It’s because I was hi…I did THIS”. Or “Well, it’s because I was drunk I did that…” Who the hell is forcing people to do drugs and drink, and act like morons??? Oh, the government. I see.

      • I’m not saying everyone has to be perfect, I’m saying you do make some good points in your articles and posts, but always seem to be “blaming” or accusing government, the church, the Pope, men, politics, or some other entity for people’s bizarre behavior, and horrible ungodly decisions they themselves MAKE. Ex: Yes, unfortunately the government has ruled in favor of making abortions legal (that doesn’t mean women have to get them done) Yes, it is murder (the infant is a 2nd human being, although women carry the child in their bodies, murder is murder) If they don’t want the child put it up for adoption, or in foster care, or allow a family member to care for child. Abortion does NOT need to be used as a form of birth control.

      • I’m trying to understand how you logically made the leap from the concept that there are not enough men for every woman, to there should be fewer babies aborted. I don’t care enough to try very hard. If you would like counseling on these difficult concepts, I suggest that you speak with your local clergy. If you would like to understand how multiplication, addition, and subtraction works, then please speak with a math teacher.

    • I would humbly suggest that there’s a difference between placing blame and seeking a realistic, multifaceted answer to society’s general condition. The behaviour of one person is their own responsibility, but the condition of society as a whole is a result of the actions of every individual within it, each one exerting influence on the others and conditioning each other to act a certain way. Depending on which way society leans, the problems outlined by Caprizchka are either isolated cases of individuals acting against the norm, or parts of a whole society’s trends. And both circumstances need to be understood.

      Not everything is about the individual. Many things are about the collective.

  3. Individual choices are NOT the same as social trends, that is pure liberal psycho babble nonsense. The only point we can agree on is *”The behavior is one owns responsibility” the rest is some liberal left wing radical psycho babble nonsense probably learned in America’s WONDERFUL indoctrination, I mean school system.

  4. Caprizchka some points in your articles are spot on, very good points some are bizarre and inaccurate. No one is correct about everything, look at how well educated our politicians and business leaders are and STILL USA going downhill

    • Jesus loves math along with all those who don’t believe in math. Moreover, Jesus was not always tactful. Sometimes he got angry and sometimes he explained things as they are and this made other people upset and caused them to spit out ad hominem. I’m pretty sure, Jesus never said, “Smile!”

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