I’ve been practicing some of my old dance routines lately. No, I never had a “career” of it, but a childhood of constant social disruptions engendered in me an active solo self-entertainment-generation persona. I’ve even danced for an audience on more than one occasion, such as to raise money for a cause that I believe in, and, didn’t do half badly! Mostly, however, my audiences have been very small.
I’m less likely to get in trouble with it—dancing that is—when I dance all alone without even a mirror.
Sometimes I imagine that I am dancing on a tightrope. Lately, rhetorically, I am dancing between ideologists of two persuasions within the anti-feminist perspective, on several different tightropes, that is, several different rhetorical polarizations.
I believe that most of these sorts of polar opposite positions can be diagrammed mathematically such that when one side gains more political and economic critical mass than the other, there is a sudden, dramatic pendulum swing. I hope that when such a thing happens that I am not forced to choose between either of two ideological extremes who will not approve of what I may couch as ambivalence such as to violently either subject me to or withhold from me energy I may require for survival. For this would either result in my violent submission or violent rebellion, which is where my true ambivalence lies.
However, just the same, if I am to achieve any sort of willful orchestration of my future, I think it is time that I attempt to articulate my personal position, which, will doubtless result in the various ideologues attempting to rationalize me into changing it.
Generally speaking, I resist spending a lot of time with young people a.k.a. “minors”. I understand that even though this blog is flagged for adults only, there are plenty of young people who are capable of accessing it. However, I don’t have any particular motivation to be completely silent particularly when nearly all live human interaction I engage in lately tends to be dramatic, and so I ration those encounters according to my energy level, specifically in terms of the efforts required to maintain forbearance in the face of ideological atrocity.
This is not my way of saying that I don’t “like” children, only that it is not my desire to be a “role model” intentionally or accidentally to “children” of all ages, nor is it my obligation to either “educate” or “be educated” by them. The uncomfortable question that is likely to occur is not one that I have an answer for that won’t enrage somebody, or make somebody uncomfortable, or cause a parent or caring adult to violently remove that child from my presence or to do the same to me.
It has become apparent to me that in the Breeder vs. Nonbreeder ideological debates that there are blind spots that cannot be rationalized away or even rationally revealed to the holders of these blind spots.
It is useless to explain that one way to destroy a culture is to deliberately push the irrational blind spots into either extreme direction. Since I am incapable of obliterating my own knowledge and experiences in the world, then it is useless to attempt to force me to gaslight myself, even if, everyone would feel better if I did.
It is useless to attempt to shame me into believing that I am not a woman, not loved by God, selfish, physically flawed, obligated to be silent, obligated to commit suicide, obligated to be either a childcare giver, prostitute, or celibate for the crime of choosing not to reproduce.
Ironically, I believe that the tension of my tightrope is due to the tripartisan consensus between The Church, the Secular Feminist State, and the Anti-Feminist “Equalist” resistance to outlaw the following:
- The marital state of what is commonly referred to as “polygamy,” to mean more-than-one-wife-at-the-same-time, albeit perhaps more accurately referred to as “polygyny.”
- Patriarchal privatized prostitution.
I’d be OK in either of those scenarios but only if all three were legal. Since that is not the case, I decline to articulate my personal choice, such as to limit my opportunities for survival and love, or to allow blind ideologues to rule over me.