A lot of people in the BDSM world think of Dominants as “authority figures”. Party on but YKINMK. For example, a Dominant might wear a uniform or represent a “Daddy,” “Teacher,” “Doctor,” “Policeman,” etc. I have only a passing interest in such notions myself. I think of “authority play” as more the B & D division of BDSM which is something that I will do if it is desired by him, but it doesn’t do anything for me personally. Thus, a relationship built on such a foundation isn’t likely to work for me.
Role play in general is only of passing interest to me. I prefer reality.
In my own positive relationships with authority, I like to think of myself as more of a value-added assistant or “teacher’s pet” who earns her way out of rigid rules by being helpful, pleasant, anticipatory, and otherwise not requiring micromanaging or rote for the sake of rote. That doesn’t mean that I’m never been dressed down when the situation calls for it only that I’m not courting such a reaction deliberately.
I like to be told what pleases him but not angrily or threateningly. Rather, I seek reward not punishment. For someone like me, punishment is to have attention withdrawn rather than negative attention inflicted. In fact I won’t get into a relationship if negative attention would appear to be the consequence of such a relationship. I can do better than that!
For me, a deep D/s connection requires Love foremost although of course respect may be a factor in developing that connection. Respect for a man’s intellectual authority based on his age, discipline, and experience may be a part of that respect. Learning from someone, for me, however tends to have less of an erotic charge than an intellectual one. Those drives tend to compete for energy in my person such that one side wins out over the other. I’m either learning or I’m in subspace, not both.
Rather, I think of authority as a form of service, which may well be a service I appreciate from a Dominant. I would hope that in those areas where I am somewhat of an authority myself that my service in those areas would also be appreciated.
Respect, for me, is what I give to someone with whom I have a voluntary association, such as an employer. Respect plus an erotic connection might be sufficient motivation for me to want to have sex with a man, or at least to venture down the path of exploring whether that’s what I want to do. It might even be a consequence of gratitude for service borne out of authority.
On the other hand, persons who crave power and authority over other people don’t generally cause me to respect those persons even if I may decide to obey on a non-erotic level. A lot of those persons are women. I think that the notion that there are men whose entire erotic charge comes from a woman obeying them, and these men represent the whole, is part of the delusion of “The Patriarchy”. Rather, it would appear that there are more women who get such a charge, even if the actual eroticism is often translated into nonsexual avenues. In other words, the motivations of “The Patriarchy” is a projection by Feminists and other power-hungry people.
Of course there are women who are erotically charged by obedience or being slavishly catered to, just not nearly enough to satisfy the demand for such women. Rather, money would appear to be a higher motivation today for most women than sex, as well as having other women obey them. For a lesbian that latter is all a part of the erotic charge but such a notion is not exclusive to lesbians.
When I am in service to a man I love and we are about to “play” then I tend to go into sort of a trance. That trance state is highly erotic to me as well as highly vulnerable. The last thing I want to do is get myself into an erotic trance and find that I am vulnerable to an “authority figure” who feels threatened by any manifestation of my personality or sense of self such as to desire to either mold it or suppress it.
I’m not that kind of submissive.
I know what I like and who I am and tend to disdain those who think they know those things better than I do. Therefore, the notion that my sexuality predisposes me to abuse from men is a fiction promoted by Feminists and other Cultural Marxists deluded by notions of sexual egalitarianism.