The manufactured home that I inherited from Axel and which was his father’s was put up for sale today. The residential community decided to stop honoring the grandfathered-in lease agreement because Axel and I weren’t married and to otherwise charge me “market rate”. This indicates to me that they don’t want me here and so I have put the home up for sale. I have no idea where I am to live now.
I no longer feel any particular connection with any particular state although I certainly prefer warm weather over snow.
Irregardless, I will probably move in with my parents in New Jersey which is its own Hell but just deserts, as well, I suppose, until I can decide what else to do.
The only “direction” that makes sense to me is to be the submissive to a heterosexual man but not to be submissive or subordinate to a woman. There would not appear to be much demand for the likes of me, a 54-year-old heterosexual female iconoclast out of touch with the modern world and possessing decidedly regressive political and social views. Perhaps if I were younger and prettier there would be more of a market. This is not to say that I have been overwhelmed by the quality of men expressing an interest in me either. I suppose that Axel spoiled me beyond repair.
Meanwhile, it would seem that women with my age and education are not in short supply and further have not exactly endeared themselves to the world. The fact that I haven’t been of this world for all intensive purposes for at least 17 years (if not much longer) is of no consequence if demographics are destiny. Women my age are expected to be well-off and so sexually liberated that sex is a matter of course with no particularly intimate connection or commitment required. It would seem that for many men my age, sex is either the only reason to have any contact with a female, or there is a odd sense of worship about them. If there are other options I suspect it would be with women who are familiar in terms of social group and geographic area. Since I have no “people” any more, only scattered acquaintances or persons with whom I don’t have a whole lot of commonality, I certainly cannot represent myself as a known-entity or otherwise vetted.
Lately, it would seem, I get the most pleasure out of life from interacting with strangers online, to cook, write, swim, and smoke. Everything else seems dull and without meaning. I haven’t even bothered to sing much lately. At least I have perfected my sourdough pizza recipe for my current environs and ingredients. It’s out of this world.
I had the pleasure of the company of a girlfriend for a week; however, since she’s a feminist and practically a socialist, there are huge blocks of conversational fodder that are effectively off limits being that we each find the other’s views to be insane. However, at least she’s warm and fun, and we were able to do things together like eat, watch movies, and talk about Axel. That was something but I can’t imagine that we could live together and preserve our friendship at the same time.
I’ll miss having her here in Florida as her visits have been the high points of my existence since Axel died.
For what it’s worth, I’ll continue to drive to meet Dominant men in Florida for as long as interest from them persists. I wouldn’t rule out moving in with such a man if he wants to keep me around. As always, I offer cooking, shopping, laundry, housekeeping, and first class fellatio for starters. Writing, editing, computer, and secretarial services; assistance to a general contractor or similar trade; travel itinerary and concierge; and dog or livestock breeding services also available.