Generousness and openness are fine things but only when one is either prosperous or self-sacrificing. To be perpetually self-sacrificing however is a paradox. Religions usually manage some sort of seasonal cycle such that there is a time to sow and a time to reap, etc. Mandated self-sacrifice is pathological. However, when it comes to relationships between the sexes, some self-sacrifice for the sake of survival of all parties concerned (particularly children) is necessary.
This is my sneaky preamble to discuss how “open relationships” may or may not be useful constructs within some relationships but not all. I’ve tried just about every permutation on the concept and there are pluses and minuses like everything else.
When I returned back to the U.S. in 2011 and re-exposed myself to the BDSM culture which I had forsaken for the sake of a pathological monogamous marriage, I discovered that “polyamory” was now a thing. In my observation, what “polyamory” tends to be is what had been known in the ’80’s as “fluid-bonding,” of sort of a closed group of “swingers”. That means just what it sounds like—no condoms. Another permutation on the same concept is “communal living.” One doesn’t have to worry too much about “safe sex” if one is only having sex within a closed circle. If everyone lives within the same complex/farm/mansion/campsite then there is little concern with regard to sexually transmitted diseases. Birth control has to be handled separately.
I’ve never felt close enough with any particular group of people to have engaged in the above practice however have been privileged to be a “visiting dignitary” within such groups which of course means condoms just for me. It also, I might add, means “daggers” metaphorically shot at me by the women within such groups without exception. Those experiences (plenty of them) were dramatic enough to sour me on the concept over time. Similarly, the “swingers” dynamic has always been problematic for me. I credit this discord with my abhorrence for female-supremacy and gynocentrism. In other words, even as a visitor I apparently threaten the status quo. The only possible way to mitigate such hostility would appear to be bisexuality which, in my experience, generally leads to said jealous bitch somehow exercising her own sadism onto me, which is not how I swing.
Where it gets really funny is that a few months ago, I happened to connect with a man of my very distant past on Facebook, by participating in a discussion which concerned poor treatment that a male volunteer experienced at a rape crisis center. Since my male friend (and former paramour) had been such a volunteer, to include “clinic defense” and other courageous and chivalrous activity, but yet had been similarly poorly treated by empire-building women who were threatened by anything in pants (to include tall, slim, attractive women such as myself who don’t accept the superiority of such women), I made a sympathetic comment on his Facebook page (since removed by the evil goons at Facebook).
At this point, a woman made an appearance within the thread and began responding to my comments with unmitigated hostility. It took me a few volleys to realize that she had been a participant within an orgy that I had attended back before I had been “legal”. That’s how far back our history goes.
She became so completely unhinged upon realizing who I was that she started flinging at me insults which were beyond the pale. She is one of the women who I file in the “no good deed goes unpunished” category in that it was I who had “serviced” her (not the reverse). Over time, the complete batshittiness of women have soured me on bisexuality altogether. I gave it up like some people give up gluten.
According to my male friend, this hysteric went on, over the years, to become a holy terror and complete misandrist except for those men who were outright servile toward her. This is a pathological character which is all too common in the “alternative” sexual communities and otherwise makes a good case toward monogamy however, not with women like them!
Her hostility with me had to do with my allowing her male servant (known as a fiancé) at the time to touch me. I know. That’s behavior truly beyond the pale when encountered at an orgy for which I am truly repentant.
It is “submissive men” who tend to get the most burned by such entitlement princess whores. In fact, in my view, it is submissive men who need to be chastised for catering to these creatures. However, the “sexual sacred” of men tends to make them blind to such predations. Therefore, there is great power in inculcating submissiveness among men. It makes them vulnerable at an institutional level. As you can see, entitlement princess whores have every rational reason to despise me. I am their walking nemesis and they know it.
In a society which has essentially broken down, there is no such thing as financial “security,” except that afforded to indigent entitlement princess whores by the state. The privatized version however preys on individual men, divorces or entraps them with parenthood, and then feeds off the man’s carcass. As for me, I have been victimized by male versions of the same phenomenon in that I have been (temporarily) tricked into parenthood (thank you “Choice” for providing me with an escape!) and have been financially predated upon by unscrupulous men with the coup de grace being my missing international con artist husband.
However, these experiences not only did not sour me on all men (because most of my experiences with men have been positive) but rather have further soured me on “toxic femininity,” which, in my view, is what these pathological males of my experience were co-opting for themselves.
One of the tools which my criminal husband used against me was constant feigned suspicion of my fidelity. This had the effect of further isolating me from humanity as well as kept me on edge and thereby vulnerable to his predations. My experiences with such men have engendered in me sympathy toward men so predated upon. In the case of Axel, he had been exploited to financial ruin. We therefore had that experience in common. It therefore became paramount, in my view, for “jealousy” to be removed from our relationship and we therefore had an “open” relationship. In this way, the possibility of being accused of infidelity was removed from our relationship. In practice however, that “open” relationship was 90% one-sided albeit I had the leeway to engage in unbridled flirting, and a particular aspect of my own less-than-legitimate “profession”, as described further.
However, for a period, Axel and I had to stop being “open” and engage solely in monogamy. This was because we did not even have enough spare income for Axel to engage in “coffee dates,” and since women tend to pressure for “provisioning” when they offer sex, and the only “provisioning” available would have come directly out of my pocket, I put my foot down. However, given my tendency to arouse hostility in women, the pressure from them onto Axel never abated. Manipulative women would imply that Axel wasn’t a real “Dominant” and otherwise impugned his masculinity for remaining faithful to me for even only a few months. Women are capable of great psychological manipulation! Axel on the other hand wasn’t about to admit to them that he was dependent on me financially. It became a paradox.
On the other hand, it is easy enough for the person with the financial superiority to be psychologically exploitative. In fact, since Axel died, I have been beset upon by women offering me material goodies in exchange for compromising my own principles. It would seem that there is more than one way for the sadism of women to be aroused by me. This situation has not been universal but I think that it is a truism that there is no way to sustain a one-sided “friendship” or relationship that does not include sex without some other form of “quid pro quo” to include power exchange. Those friendships of mine which have somehow endured are with women who feel that they actually gain something by my company and expertise. I am so grateful to those women. Those women are so few. I also admire them for recognizing in me that expertise to include nutritional consulting, beauty and fitness, cooking, and how to cater to and nourish a Dominant man. So far, I have not encountered a woman with whom I would care to collaborate in terms of book publishing, albeit it was my dear female friend who voluntarily re-engineered the cover of my book in honor of her feelings for my Dominant with whom she maintained a relationship. She is my best friend today!
Meanwhile, money and sex are always going to be tied together in some fashion. It would seem to me that an open and honest relationship would need to have a defined budget for all satellite relationships, if any, with or without sex. In the case of a negotiated power exchange relationship where one party is wholly responsible for finances then that is a different story. In theory, the submissive of such a dynamic trusts the Dominant to stick to a budget and to otherwise not betray her (or him) financially. As for those who cannot afford for either party to spend either time or money on outside parties regardless of whether those relationships involve sexual activity of any kind, then that condition needs to be discussed.
I would most certainly entertain the possibility of a monogamous relationship today albeit would not tend to jump into such a thing too quickly. The problem with monogamy is that it would necessarily limit my own professional networking. Specifically, one of the services which I offer is individual relationship consulting often as a part of nutritional consulting for either a couple or an individual. Sexual surrogacy of some capacity may well be a part of that service. I contend that the only possible inoculation against a wife/sole-female-partner being an entitlement princess whore is to see how well she can manage the “shame” of sharing her man with a woman like me—even if such is purely staged! (What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas.)
Persons who are incapable of managing emotions like shame are known as narcissists! This is textbook narcissism! It is the inability of a child at aged two to manage shame which invokes/creates/manifests (according to various theories) narcissism. On the other end of the spectrum are children of narcissists (like me) who are set up for a lifetime of vulnerability toward codependency with narcissists, who as parents tend to insist on the removal of shame.
However, my standards as to who I will have sex with are way too high for me to even pretend that it is a real possibility for some stranger or chance acquaintance. By “high” I actually mean “esoteric” as my own standards like my own religion are my own invention being that there is today no living “authority” over my life other than my own relationship with God. That said, I would welcome the possibility that there exists a man today willing to shoulder the responsibility of being my conduit with God, to shoulder the responsibility of my finances, and to in turn I would wholly surrender my sexual person. Anything less than such a man will have to settle for simply being a “satellite” in my life or nothing at all. Of course, building up trust over time to include various phases of transition would be the more sensible option.
Since it would appear that most men, wholly cowed by the various entitlement princess whores of their acquaintance, are intimidated by me in some fashion (and those that aren’t need lessons in self-examination), it would have to be a very special and unusual man to fully “own” me today. It therefore behooves me to attempt to regain a degree of “hotness” I’ve let slack a bit (a little soft around the edges here) even if such “hotness” might make some prospective paramours jealous of the looks I get from other men (already happening). I’m also more than willing (eager even) if some man desires it of me, to be corseted such as to be his curvy toy. That would impose a mechanical and irresistible control over my oral exploration tendencies which is a consequence of my international and extensive study of nutrition and gourmet cooking, as well as my tendency toward beer drinking. As scary as I may be I am nothing if not accommodating toward the man of my choosing.
Should a man of my romantic acquaintance desire my complete exclusivity, then I am going to require some measure of financial compensation for my “retirement,” which could be a future pay-off or severance package. However, after what happened with Axel toward the end of his life what with the manipulations of his sister and former common-law wife, I cannot trust that a mere will tender such a severance package. Furthermore, my brief experiences with the state have told me that I am exempt from its protection because I can’t and won’t play the game.
Meanwhile, I’m not getting either younger nor richer with time. It would be a shame if I were forced into a compromise with the feminist state apparatus in order to survive or to compromise my own sexual sacred. I’m sure that if such a thing were to occur, the multitudes of female entitlement princess whores (and their male enablers) would have a great celebration. God, I believe, however, will have the last laugh.
Please pray for me.