Nowadays, education is free!
Therefore, those who do not take it upon themselves to become educated are lazy and morally deficient.
It turns out, I’m neither. I have amassed quite an education, both through official and unofficial channels. In fact, there are things I would very much like to un-know. This notion of having too much knowledge informs my desire to shelter naifs from my “wisdom”.
I’m not trying to be selfish. Rather, it would seem that my intentions are good. Just the same, men who seem to be attracted to me who I am attracted to are practically irresistible subjects for my brand of education. Of course, there’s the risk that I may be rejected. However, that risk is fine given that I assume that in such a case my brand of education is not what he needs.
Rather than rejection, of course I would prefer either appreciation for it or even indifference and a counter-offer of education from him to me. Perhaps something in between is best. Of course I have knowledge to impart, and not all of it is horrifying. I also have the strength and ability to serve an enterprise or cause which, ironically, appreciates me by giving me a little bit of indifference. It beats the pedestal. I’d rather be chained in the basement toiling over a manuscript, say, wearing a burlap sack.
I like a man who knows what he needs. I’d like to give it. Even if I’m not the only one in that position. There’s limits to that offer of course. I’m not willing to be that man’s boss even if he pays me and begs me for it. I’d rather starve.
There is something more noble about a man who rejects me than one who assumes that he can handle what I myself have trouble handling within my own mind. In other words, I’m more attracted to indifference than solicitude.
But at least my inner turmoil keeps me warm at night.
Please God. The next man, instead of asking me what I’m wearing, please just tell me what to wear. Thanks.