Negotiation is a crucial part of a consensual power-exchange relationship. It is unfortunate that this attitude has found its way into the mainstream in terms of the highly misguided and problematic “Yes Means Yes” movement.

However, in terms of an existing, long term/permanent relationship, negotiation can be very useful, assuming both parties actually want the relationship to work and each feels both deserving of a working relationship and capable of creating and maintaining one.

Other people’s relationships may or may not be a guide for such a negotiation. In the BDSM world, discussion groups in real life with real people and real problems can be helpful. The way that other people resolve their issues may shed light on one’s own. I’ve participated in a lot of these sorts of groups in the U.S. from coast to coast, They are by no means equivalent or guaranteed to be helpful. It is unfortunate that the BDSM world has become increasingly gynocentric, ostensibly because supposedly having more women around is better than not having enough of them. The problem with that attitude is like “ladies night” in a bar—it is not necessarily going to attract the most quality of ladies. Sad but true. Depends on a whole lot of factors.

Since the BDSM world attracts abuse victims and broken toys of all sorts, adding more entitlement princesses to the mix— including of the male variety—doesn’t work for me. However, scaring away men from the process using fear-based marginalization tactics tends to have this downstream result. It gets complicated for sure. I for one am not even certain if I entirely wish to re-immerse myself in this element. Men who tolerate it are probably not my sort of man.

Passive-aggressives, neurotics, narcissists, etc., aren’t necessarily the sexiest of creatures.

One of the notions which I promote, which, online tends to result in insults being hurled at me, whereas in person it tends to be accepted, is that it is the responsibility of a female submissive/bottom/etc. to not only be pleasing but to validate that what is being done to her is both desired and appreciated. It’s not an easy thing to do and not all fun and games (unless one is a psychopath) to actually give a female masochist what she wants. It therefore requires enthusiastic appreciation otherwise she is abusing him.

It also requires service not exclusively of that service which is entirely fun and games for her but rather what he wants. Such service may include being a pleasure to be around, taking care of drudgery and other distractions that would otherwise burden him, and otherwise enhancing his life in the way that he wants it enhanced.

Those women in the scene who don’t get this, in my view, ought to be ignored and completely deprived of whatever it is that she says that she wants.

This is just one of many reasons why I don’t have a whole lot of women friends.

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