Personal Ad

I haven’t done so well with my personal ad. A few future possibilities but nothing for the present.

I’ve been advised that I should be nice to everyone and that will surely cause a nice man to become interested in me. Of course, I don’t dare respond that “nice” isn’t exactly what I have in mind.

I would prefer to find myself a curmudgeon however, note that honesty is not necessarily the best policy. Therefore, I am considering producing a 100% lie. Something like the following perhaps?


I am looking for a sugar daddy who I can castrate given that I find obedience in a man sexier than say sex.

He must have sufficient education and verbal acuity so as to impress my mother.

A man who works with his hands is some sort of ruffian. I prefer verbal gymnasts who never get their hands dirty.

The only thing that really matters is the size of his wallet and the presence of a wife, significant other, or that he lives with his mother, or daughter, and craves their approval is no obstacle.

I am a trophy blonde, still look like I’m a 18 year old fashion model, and my aim is to impress a man’s friends with my physicality and ability to shop.

I rely on the microwave and the VISA card in the kitchen.

I live to rule and reshape a man’s life in the image of my father, or someone like him, who I’ve seen on television because I watch television all the time.

I have lived in one small town most of my life and wouldn’t know one town from another never mind one country from another.

I am a believer in Feminism, American Exceptionalism, and Global Warming.

I despise smokers and all things tobacco. I shant darken the door of a cigar club and liquor shall never touch my tightly pursed lips.

Vegetarianism will save the world.

I love to chat and disclose intimate details of my personal life to strangers whose only qualification is that they’re capable of creating an online profile. A blank profile is just as good as one that is fully fleshed out.

My blog and FetLife profile, however, aren’t worth the time of an interested party evidenced by the hours I have put into them. Meeting me in person, of course, is entirely out of the question until we’ve negotiated our sexual preferences, experiences, and fantasies because I hate to leave my computer to actually venture outdoors in public. I would rather chat endlessly, given that I am a man pretending to be a woman.

I rely on local BDSM community standards to police our relationship. My own history and his are irrelevant. We are together incapable of managing an adult relationship ourselves.

I’m a virgin and crave anonymous sex. I have never tried A, B, C, D, and desire to be broken into it for I have no will or personality of my own and am therefore counting on a man to impose one upon me. Such a man is expected to have plenty of time and energy in which to do so.

I despise giving head and am lousy at it.

I’ll expect to be furnished with a hot and sexy BDSM wardrobe in order to impress all my girlfriends.

The opinions of other women are what truly matter to me. An intimate, honest, loving relationship with a man in submission to him is some sort of fantasy that never happens, and certainly has never happened before to a virgin like me. Therefore, I rely on the advice of internet strangers who are incapable of meeting me live, for they have my best interests at heart.

10 thoughts on “Personal Ad

  1. Pingback: Personal Ad |

  2. Pingback: What are you looking for? | caprizchka

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