Sorry, Doctor Palmatier. You’re Projecting.

Inspired by:

1. There is no such thing as a psychologically healthy sex worker. There just isn’t. Many of these relationships begin as rescue missions. “Oh, she’s had such a rough life. I’m going to love her and treat her well and we’ll live happily after.” No, no you won’t. Ask the other nice men and women who came before you.

No such thing? Really?

By all means, prior to embarking on a relationship with a sex worker or sexual adventurer, ask for references!

Not all sex workers require “rescuing”, Doctor. However, it is unlikely in your practice that you’ve encountered one at her very best, coming to see you for help. Besides, that’s not the client you’re gunning for now, is it?

In fact, some “rescuers” are sociopaths themselves. I know. I married one. He never stopped reminding me of my “inferiority” while he embezzled my hard-earned money (from technical writing in The Silicon Valley and investments).

Full disclosure: I am not a sex worker; however, many of my friends are and have been sex workers and some are even in happy, healthy, long term relationships! I am however a sexual pioneer and adventurer with admittedly a pretty tame lifestyle in the present—probably tamer than Dr. Palmatier’s. My sexual history is the reverse of that of the typical Western woman—I started out really strong and then faded into extreme selectivity. I am however not in the least bit ashamed of my past nor my peculiarly long list of sexual skills. I’m a connoisseur not a glutton. However I have tried it all. It was instrumental in my emancipation from my abusive family. I am a two-actor incest survivor. I know, I know, there’s no such thing as a psychologically healthy incest survivor. Poo. I’m also a former bisexual. I don’t talk much about why because I do not mean to use my incest history as a means to titillate.

I think it’s safe to say that a sex worker would be ill advised to come to Dr. Palmatier for professional help. Whereas a man who regularly finds himself victimized by female sex workers may indeed be helped by her. However, judging by her tone, I’m going to say that even not all men who fit in this category are going to be a good fit for her even if “the chemistry feels right”. For example, I would steer away from her a man who has had positive experiences in the fringes of sexual experimentation unless that sexual experimentation is somehow negatively impacting his life.

Strippers, prostitutes, sex workers, et al may indeed be problematic for most men. However, “most men” don’t get emotionally involved with them. Those who do, may be “unusual” themselves. I think of a sexually flexible woman with “a past” as a good partner for an advanced student of human nature with unusual experiences himself. I’ll even go so far as to say that a woman who is open about herself and her past is probably a better bet than one who hides her juicy past behind a mask of professional demeanor. I also have to wonder about one who instead of a mask of cool professionalism chooses a hip and fashionable hairdo, say, as a way of exuding “approachability” or “good times” to her “client” of choice.

Is there a pole in your office, Doctor Palmatier?

Psychiatrists, who are paid to be good listeners, to even “validate” and “encourage” behavior while critically examining destructive and self-destructive behavior, often have a hard time putting aside the professional mask for benefit of an intimate relationship. Learning whether such a person is behaving professionally or personally is not a job for the näive.

Men: Can you handle midnight phone calls from the suicidal “patient”? Can you handle those moments of angst when her attention is with her practice and not on you? How about the seemingly warm and intimate comment that “feels like” you are being analyzed? The pitfalls of a relationship with one in “the helping professions” deserve to be discussed!

A person who professionally counsels and has 50-minute weekly relationships with near strangers is in many ways akin to an actress or prostitute. Some sex workers are therapists. My guess is that Dr. Palmatier doesn’t actually avail herself of sexual surrogates, for instance; or if she does, her article pretty well kills that professional relationship.

There’s a general misconception held by many that psychiatrists are themselves of superior mental health and are otherwise more capable of intimate bonding and reciprocal relationships than other people; however, that’s not only not true but is a dangerous fallacy. Some people actually go into the profession for the purpose of healing themselves. Others have less than stellar motivations; however brilliant narcissists find their way into just about every prestigious profession.

Self-awareness and acceptance of uncomfortable feelings like shame is not guaranteed by the presence of letters after the name.

Are there crazy women in the alternative sexuality communities? Of course there are. I’d even go so far to say that most of them are off their rocker, narcissists, borderlines, and all sorts of personality disorders. However, one could easily say the same thing about women in general today. For example, there’s nothing particularly savory about the University of Virginia student known as “Jackie”. There is no 100% safe refuge from “crazy”.

However, zealots and bigots aren’t generally considered the Gold Standard of “sane” either. I’m disappointed in you, Dr. Palmatier.

25 thoughts on “Sorry, Doctor Palmatier. You’re Projecting.

    • As a matter of fact I’ve met plenty of them in the various alternative sexual communities. I’ve also met the kinder saner variety of the same therein as well. I’m sorry about your experience. Thanks for commenting!

      • Not a complaint, really. If one detects the scent of crazy and proceeds, then it’s on HIM, right?
        That comment was just more anecdotal evidence in support of the idea that a study of psychology doesn’t NECESSARILY lead to well-adjustedness in the student…..

      • “If one detects the scent of crazy and proceeds, then it’s on HIM, right?”

        Traditionally, as I understand it, a man is accountable for all missteps in a new relationship because women cannot be counted on to be accountable without commitment. Tradition, of course, has been completely turned around. Show me a woman who is completely accountable in a new relationship, and I’ll show you an easy slut, or, someone like me, for instance.

        “Oh, is this the third date and therefore we’re due to have sex? I’m sorry. I’d forgotten. Where are my manners…”

        Accountability is also what is expected from a prostitute.

        Accountability is one of those masculine characteristics I’ve admired and attempt to emulate. It is probably the root of feminist envy of men, when it should be a basis of admiration.

        Meanwhile, I find it perfectly reasonable for a man to require his woman to be accountable to him, commensurate with the length/intensity/commitment of the relationship. Women who find ways of circumventing loyalty, honesty, honor, etc. are big trouble but young women will certainly try. A “trainable” young crazy is a different kettle-of-fish from sophisticated crazy. But un-crazy young or mature women are rarely single; because that’s what a good old dose of testosterone does to a woman in love.

        Mistakes and missteps do happen and sometimes a man’s scent-sniffer is out of order due to abuse, say, or otherwise being conditioned to expect results from certain stimuli. “Perfume” also continues to climb in sophistication.

        Flexibility in terms of navigating constantly changing social norms is also necessary while still remaining steadfast to principles.

        Meanwhile, I’m not so sure it is possible for a woman not to be crazy today—if she has lived at all. Determining the difference between malevolent crazy and loving crazy—self-interested vs. reciprocal—isn’t so easy. Particularly when a whole lot of female “crazy” is curable—by a man capable of navigating the course and setting the sails.

        However, a woman with the tools of psychological warfare who is determined to get the better of a man has some formidable weapons. There’s probably a very good reason for lots of men to go MGTOW for a while after encountering one of those.

        That said, I don’t believe that there is “one true way” or “one perfect woman” for all men. If you can handle her “crazy” and the not-crazy times are worth it, the relationship is not necessarily destructive.

        My opinion, of course.

    • Not in my mind it isn’t. It’s a disappointing misstep.

      Furthermore, by tarring an entire profession, broadly, she is also by extension insulting all those who patronize them.

  1. I think I can talk as an authority “Cum Laude” (or, better said, “Cunni Lingus”) in this subject being myself a really passionated and vocational “john” since the age of 15 and being now in my mid 40s.
    The most I like from every meeting with a professional is the friendly conversation. I have to say that, at this pojnt of my life I “date” only 5 professionals. In order to develope a more deep relationship with each one.
    Professionals are the most balanced people I ever met in my life. The most charming, reliable and honest people you can meet all over the place.
    Gorgeous women who could be top models they act in a normal way. They are not bumtious at all,
    I had a couple of times an “outdoors” relationship with two of them. Not professional relationship. In one ocasion we even went to the Ballet.
    Now we have a bigot minister of Police in Spain, a cold-cocked guy (a radical Catholic this time, not a pruddish progresive) who wants to declare war on the client, like they do in Scandinavia. They want to start the hunting of the man. 😦

    May good Lord help us to all poor johns in this land.

    Johns of the world, unite!

    • It is impossible to tar only one half of a relationship equation without also tarring the other half. This doesn’t stop the feminist/big government apparatus from trying however.

      Good luck to you all. 🙂

      • Thank you.

        I would like to add that a professional is the right opposite of a “crazy bitch”.

        And about minister Jorge Fernández Díaz…

        “You are projecting, Mr. minister”.

  2. Always interesting and enlightening to read your essays in this subject area. I’ve worked with and around ‘mental health’professionals and cannot disagree with your perceptions. As for the other professionals, I’ve experienced them only overseas when in the US Navy, ages 19 and 20. I am, since then, averse to (even incapable of) having sex without some emotional involvement.

    • There’s good and bad in all professions and effective therapy is highly individual. Recommending that everyone see a psychiatrist is as silly as recommending that everyone see a prostitute. Neither is right for everyone.

  3. I want to break a lance in favour of Dominique Strauss Kahn:

    * It is illegal to participate in an orgy?
    *It is illegal to organize an orgy?
    *It is illegal to participate or/and organize 100 orgies per year?
    *It is illegal to hire 18+ escorts? (In France????)
    *It is illegal to hire 18+ escorts for an orgy? (In France????)

    Leave DSK alone!, you pruddish and bigots!!!!!

  4. I have to get in touch with the pople of “Manifeste des 343 salauds”, in order to organize something together with “Asociación Hetaira” here.

  5. So female shrinks (by da way, I would not fuck her, not ven with a stick, not even by remote control, she´s got face of pruddish feminist) feel entlited to say who is mentally healthy and who is not.
    Just cuz they are shrinks????
    (and much more if they are female shrinks)

    LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂

  6. So, in just one article by that one Dr. Palmentier we have got: slut shaming, hooker shaming, john shaming, weirdo shaming, creep shaming…

    Bloody hell.

      • I agree to the extent that the codependent desire to rescue is as sick as whatever cluster b behaviors sex workers are likely to have. But regardless of who is more worked up, I maintain your point is only as valid as you are nitpicking over a generalization that is, in fact, generally correct. 🙂

    • “there is no such thing as a psychologically healthy sex worker” is not a generalization, it is an absolute statement. It is saying they don’t exist, at all. She didn’t say that it was only true in the vast majority of cases. But even if she did make that generalization it doesn’t mean it is true. Her job caters to men who have been, or feel that they have been, abused by women. So why would a guy who was in healthy relationship with a hooker ever walk through her door? It is obvious she is not getting the unbiased sample size she needs to make such a generalization.

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