I’ve never had a sister-in-law. My ex-husband’s sister had died long before I met him (tragic story). My Dominant, however, has a sister who has taken an interest in me.
Although she isn’t aware of the extent of our negotiated, consensual power-exchange dynamic, she has come to the conclusion that her brother is “a Neanderthal!” because I don’t work outside the home. However, being that he finally found a woman who he loves and decided to commit to (in a fashion), my sister-in-common has great hopes for me in terms of my powers to “whip him into shape.”
Moreover, she expects that I’ll act as her agent in that manner in terms of putting pressure on my Dominant to be a different person, behave in ways that add to her comfort level, and otherwise become her proxy as the mothering agent. When their mother died several years ago, she became the matriarch of the family. However, according to my Dominant, she’s always been this way.
I believe that her problem (and it is a problem in that she often appears anxious and stressed) is that she, like so many women, was told as a child that she was “intelligent” for no other reason than that she was obedient and dutifully remembered and believed what the teacher and textbooks told her. A girl like that is likely to continue her “education,” with women’s magazines and television, and to absorb all “lessons” she encounters therein. It is obvious to me, that the major lesson then as now (we’re both in our fifties) is that women are smarter than men and men are just little boys who need their mommies to tell them what to do. What they need to do is to pursue “The American Dream,” regardless of how unfulfilling that may be. A woman, on the other hand, who fails to “whip her man into shape,” is pitied by her meddling, nagging, haranguing, schoolmarm-like “sisters”.
Some of her discoveries lately are as follows:
- I do not know his location at all times.
- I don’t like to bother him when he’s working.
- I do what he tells me to do because he is “right” 99% of the time, and takes responsibility for his errors the other 1% of the time.
- I don’t persuade him to pursue “The American Dream,” and would rather live in some version of “poverty” and uncertainty than to be saddled with the responsibilities therein.
- I am not her agent even if her intentions are the best, that is, to lengthen his life by reducing his acceptance of risk. I would never want to “castrate” him at any time even if he were to supposedly live longer as a result. (In my view, it would just seem longer.)
Testosterone increases tolerance of risk. I understand that I may have high testosterone for a woman. Submitting to a man who runs his life his own way in maverick fashion might be more of a risk than most women want to shoulder. Most Western men and women in fact seem to value conformity and longevity over living an authentic, original life. I understand how parenthood can shape that equation, which, in my view, is the reason why ordinary citizens are pressured by religious and other types of thought leaders to “be fruitful and multiply” as opposed to “reproduce responsibly.” The presence of children clips the wings of most mavericks.
I’m sure it is difficult for her as she discovers that my presence in her brother’s life is not particularly moderating or taming. Rather, my major contributions to his life are to feed, nurture, comfort, entertain, and obey him. In my view, that beats “The American Dream,” by a long shot.
I suspect that another reason for her anxiety is that she is taking estrogen. She—like so many women—has been sold the pack of lies that estrogen is somehow “good” or “youth-promoting.” As far as I can tell in my research, the only thing “youthful” about estrogen is menstruation and mood swings. Estrogen readies the female body for pregnancy as part of the menstrual cycle, which causes weight gain and mood swings. However, faulty studies have “proven” that estrogen lowers cholesterol (and the myth is that cholesterol contributes to heart disease—it doesn’t) and therefore estrogen is one of the treatments that are given to both men and women with heart disease under the mistaken notion that artificially lowering cholesterol is healthy. Estrogen is supposed to maintain healthy bones; however, androgens are far more useful in maintaining bones which is why fewer men than women get osteoporosis. Estrogen is also supposed to maintain healthy vaginal tissue, and there’s some truth to that in that by preparing the body for pregnancy, estrogen increases tissue; however, so does testosterone and human growth hormone but without the mood side effects.
Rather than taking estrogen, I recommend to post-menopausal women to explore the benefits of testosterone and progesterone. By the way, there’s several ways for a woman in a loving heterosexual relationship to get a dose of testosterone however, to describe them might reveal just how “abused” (or rather lucky) I am.