The Little Red Riding Hoods

[Another reprint from my other blog.]

Once upon a time there were three little girls. There was Shirley, the eldest; Trixie, the youngest; and Maude in the middle. They were beautiful, smart, and successful. One day, they were sitting around Maude’s apartment wondering what to do with themselves, when suddenly Maude had an idea:

“I know. Let’s all get dressed up and go visit my Granny. She tells great stories. She also bakes these fantastic cookies. She’ll be delighted to see us,” she said.

“How will we get there?” asked Shirley.

“We can walk through the woods together,” said Maude.

“But aren’t there wolves in the woods?” asked Trixie.

“Not to worry,” answered Maude. “We can walk together. The three of us will be invincible.”

“OK,” said Trixie. “What shall we wear?”

“Let’s all wear those new red capes we bought!” piped Shirley.

“Excellent!” cried Trixie.

“OK,” agreed Maude.

So the ladies got themselves all dressed up to go out. Shirley wore a pretty pink tutu with lovely pink ballet shoes. Maude wore a tight leather mini skirt with stiletto heels and a tight blouse with a push-up bra. Trixie put on a micro mini dress made out of some new synthetic fabric that hugged her in all the right places and a perfect pair of designer pumps with four inch heels.

They admired themselves together in the mirror. Shirley started to cry:

“Does this pink tutu make me look fat?” she asked.

“Oh no! You’re perfect!” said Maude.

Trixie just laughed to herself.

“Here, Shirley,” she said. “Try it with your cape.”

The three little girls all put on their capes and Shirley felt a little better. Off they went.

The woods was deep and dark. The little girls were just a bit nervous walking.

However, little did they know, three handsome princes saw them set off and decided to follow them at a distance. After all, you never know what trouble three little girls can get into.

They were: Jim, the eldest; Jack, the youngest; and Joe, in the middle.

“Let’s take my Porsche,” offered Jim.

After some time, the girls came upon Grandma’s trailer, nestled in the woods. The three little girls noted that it was a bit shabby, but clean.

“I smell cookies!” squealed Trixie.

Suddenly, Maude froze in her tracks.

“Oh no!” she cried.

The other girls looked to see what Maude saw. There was a big old rusty pickup truck parked outside. The truck was marked in big block letters: “Wolf General Construction.”

“What shall we do?” asked Shirley.

“We’ll rescue Grandma!” cried Maude.

“How will we do that?” asked Trixie.

“We’ll barge right in there and SHAME that wolf,” cried Maude. And in they barged.

There in the trailer was a most gruesome site. The first thing the little girls noticed was Grandma, tied to the bed, covered in bleeding red welts, a huge ball gag in her mouth, spread-eagled, with some vile liquid oozing from her open snatch.

And then they saw the wolf. He was HUGE, covered in black fur, with a gigantic pulsing erection.

“You are a rapist!” screamed Maude.

The wolf growled.

“You haven’t been properly educated!” cried Trixie.

“You’re too old for this!” screeched Shirley.

Just then, in burst the three handsome princes.

“Oh my God!” said Joe, and quickly fell to his knees.

“Me first!” cried Jack and pulled down his pants.

“Out of my way, you bitches!” cried Jim, pursing his lips and mincing.

Seeing that the wolf was distracted, Maude worked quickly to free Grandma from her bonds. Grandma’s face was all red, she had to move fast. Finally, she removed the ball gag.

“Get the fuck out of here!” cried Grandma. “You were supposed to come tomorrow!”

Meanwhile, the wolf looked down at the three men, who were trying so hard to appear enticing to him and here is what he said:

“Jesus.”

Copyright 2013 Caprizchka

2 thoughts on “The Little Red Riding Hoods

  1. What surpassingly refulgent parody. The components are sequentially revealed, all present and correct, to excitement at such precisely observed and hilarious folly!

  2. Pingback: The Big Bad Wolf | caprizchka

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s