Unintentional Gaslighting

I need a word that means, “unintentional gaslighting.”

I understand that men like to “fix” the inner turmoil of women but that doesn’t mean that the female thought-process, the conclusions derived from it, or beliefs, values, and feelings are “incorrect” or subject to “critical thinking” or “debate”.

There is such a thing as “female-intuition” without rational basis that has throughout history and myth served as the inspiration or muse for great masculine works. But is the thought-process itself “wrong”? I don’t think it is. Incomprehensible perhaps to a rational thinker but not “wrong”.

Rather, I have come to believe that too much language/talking/words from a woman looks like a problem that needs to be fixed. However, there must be a medium between pacifying/validating/soothing behavior and “you’re wrong!” or “STFU!”

I believe that older men have a better grasp of this than younger men; however, since the human experience seems to cycle, perhaps there are young men who are getting the hang of this tightrope and even young women who have learned to think “right”.

So, what is the non-inflammatory word that an intuitive thinker can use to assuage fears of a rational thinker? Or is the only defense to shut one’s mouth?

9 thoughts on “Unintentional Gaslighting

  1. I agree with you that there is intuition, although I see it as a human thing, and not just a female thing. We can all perceive unconsciously, and this can even affect our behavior, even though we might not know why. And our snap-judgements on people are not worse than long-term ones. Our ability to judge what we see, quickly, was adaptive to us, so we have it. There are more ways in which we extract useful information, without going the route of the rational conscious mind. It doesn’t mean every feeling is always right, but it’s there for a reason. Nowadays, if someone gives me a dangerous vibe, I don’t wait for them to seriously harm me to remove myself from them. I don’t care if this is judgemental or unforgiving, my gut feeling is my friend.

    I don’t really know how to convince a rational thinker, except hand them a psychology book and explain how much of our perception is unconscious.

    Also, you say there is unintentional gaslighting. But how about self-gaslighting? 🙂 It sounds silly, but can happen when you are trying to be rational, when you should instead listen to your animal brain and run.

  2. ” However, there must be a medium between pacifying/validating/soothing behavior and “you’re wrong!” or “STFU!””

    There’s a time to soothe and a time to put your hand over their mouth so they start going “mff mmmf mmmff!” with eyes bugging while you look at them like “that’s enough”.

    I’m still working on the art of getting this right most of the time.

    • It would seem that the term “gaslighting” has expanded in popular parlance. It would be nice to have a few synonyms that imply a lesser degree of trauma. There is also the matter of PTSD in a person who has been previously gaslighted. It is sort of like the guy with the hammer who thinks every problem looks like a nail. Once one has been gaslighted, memory and perception can no longer be fully trusted, hence stress whenever a challenge is made to one’s memory or perception, even if the challenge is unintentional. It would be nice if there were words that meant degrees of gaslighting. Not every personal conflict need be a drama.

  3. >I understand that men like to “fix” the inner turmoil of women but that doesn’t mean that the female thought-process, the conclusions derived from it, or beliefs, values, and feelings are “incorrect” or subject to “critical thinking” or “debate”.

    >There is such a thing as “female-intuition” without rational basis that has throughout history and myth served as the inspiration or muse for great masculine works. But is the thought-process itself “wrong”? I don’t think it is. Incomprehensible perhaps to a rational thinker but not “wrong”.

    Very interesting. I completely oppose this idea, yet I think there may be something to it.

  4. Just so it’s clear, I think – for me – it’s important for White boys to understand that their sperm is cheap and just because some white girl rubs their cock and gets some sperm, it means nothing. White boys make lots of sperm. So it’s actually a good thing to have a prostitute class to give white boys pleasure and maybe suck their sperm.

    White women that actually have white children and “submit” to a White man should be put in a different class than spermjackers – OF COURSE. I don’t even understand why this is some sort of problem.

    White men that actually “fall in love” and “impregnate” some Asian whore are pathetic.

    Let’s keep our racism intact, then there is no problem.

  5. Pingback: Characteristics | caprizchka

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