Is BDSM Inherently Misogynist?

I found a link to this article: http://oliveseraphim.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/my-problem-with-kinkbdsm/ within a post in FetLife and nearly commented right there in the blog (but thought better of it). The premise of the article is that BDSM is inherently misogynist–regardless of what genders may be playing the top and bottom roles. Since my own dynamic is particularly “Politically Incorrect,” I feel compelled to respond in some manner. Here’s what I’d like to tell Ms. Seraphim:

Re: “I think this from my own personal experience as a woman who was in the scene and abused in it, and despite the visibility of that abuse, everyone else was crickets.” Perhaps the other people in your local scene assumed that you were an adult, with agency, who was able to make your own decisions as to what worked for you, what risks you wanted to take, how to express your sexuality, and keep your sanity in the process. Obviously, they were incorrect.

In short, the misogynist is her for believing that adult women need special protections from their own choices.

However, I think that it is wonderful that she is basically telling her friends and admirers to stay away from BDSM. We most certainly do not need more children in the scene. I say we all buy her a stack of romance novels and a vibrator–that would be a whole lot safer.

13 thoughts on “Is BDSM Inherently Misogynist?

  1. My pronouns are they/them/theirs. I don’t know why I would be surprised by such a response since my article was posted in Fetlife but had you read my blog you’d have seen I’m a sex worker and have also worked in BDSM your hilarious conclusion that i’m “vanilla” and a “child” is a pathetic ad hominem attack because you clearly couldn’t actually think of anything in my article to criticize, so you went for a personal attack. Great critical analysis there

    • @oliveseraphim I visit the extremetube that was linked in the original article, luckily I did not see anywhere where it fetishized sex with children as claimed. I took my chances believing and knowing that the claim was bullshit. There is a section for teens but teens does not mean the same thing as child. I think everyone who looks at porn that advertises teens automatically assumes 18 or 19 year old women, not illegal shit.

      Porn is not suppose to be progressive anyway. It does not run under a political ideology, it runs as a business. It’s allegiance is to those who pay them and those happen to be mostly men who like jacking off to seeing big dicks fuck women hard and unapologetically. I’m sorry you don’t like it, but then again, it’s obviously not made for you.

  2. I’m going to call that a “win”, especially given that I didn’t call you “vanilla” or a “child” and therefore the “ad hominem” is all in your mind, which, of course, is unsurprising for a self-hating woman.

  3. Lots of topics there to consider. One, the idea that sex work is one of a kind in terms of needing to protect its workers from work-related damage. Many professions are physically dangerous and demanding (farming, construction, fighting for a living, sports), others are soul-killing (I know some store workers are at the brink of a mentdown right now). Even being a high-earning wealthy manager has its price – no free time for things you actually love, potential burnout, stress, etc. I don’t think sex work is special. Like in other professions, there are content workers for whom things work, and there are unhappy ones who hate their job.

    Two, the interesting idea that separate sections for Granmas, MILFs and BBWs is an insult to all those women. Men are built in such a way that they mainly prefer fit, young women, making a man who primarily prefers BBWs of MILFs unusual compared to the average. As for cathegorizing porn according to race, I wonder if the same categories would occur in a country where whites are a minority. Would they have sites where “white girls” are a large category?

    In general, it seems she’s using the feminist understanding of things to explain what she sees. And feminists explain lots of things with widespread misogyny embedded in mainstream culture.

    • You gave her post more time and effort than I did, and the answer to your question is “yes”, they do.

      Personally, I find the notion of policing the subconscious, which is where most sexual desire comes from, so repugnant that I felt that I had to wash my hands after reading her post.

      I am appalled by the notion of “equality” or “equal time” in sex, as if every child gets a turn at the gangbang–or to be the center of attention–out of some perverse “fairness”. To me, that is “entitlement” of social losers. At least, I presume that her clients gave her something that she wanted–money, and I agree that there are a lot of miserable jobs out there.

      Unlike her however, I don’t presume that a sex worker has any particular special expertise in sex because we don’t know how many clients or from what variety of demographics they came from and therefore her sample is skewed. It would seem to me that her own feminist attitudes would skew her client base along with apparently her disdain for physical objectification if financial objectification causes her no such discomfort.

  4. Here from taki/disqus…good stuff.

    BDSM probably is misogynist. and?, say I. Life is misogynist. Sexual rage, hate, control and passion are hardwired into us. Every relationship has a dominant and a submissive partner. You either accept this or live in denial. (Most of those nominally equal marriages are actually subtly-or not so subtly-female dominated.)

  5. I agree with the second part of your comment that most relationships these days (particularly “equal” or “vanilla” ones) are female-dominated, but question the first part. I think that misandry has more traction these days and don’t actually believe that “rage” belongs in a BDSM scene. If both parties don’t come out of a scene renewed, enhanced, and otherwise transformed in a positive way then I call it “abuse” or “codependence”.

    In my view there are few creatures kinder than a sadist who gives a masochist what he or she wants. These days, a male sadist would also have to be extremely courageous to touch that dark side with a ten foot pole for he clearly has more at risk in the exchange.

    Thank you for stopping by!

    • Fair enough.I don’t come out of BDSM per se, although I know quite a few practitioners. More an old school wife-spanking traditionalist. I find it amusing that I’m now considered (at best) kinky and at worst a patriarchal oppressor. The sadist who takes his lover to the dark side and the husband who lays down the firm hand of discipline can both find themselves talking to the cops in a hurry should something go wrong.

      • Indeed it would seem today that the man shoulders more social and legal risk and therefore should be extended all the gratitude and reciprocity a good girl can muster!

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