The Home Bar/Smoke-Easy Den of Vices

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Not only do city dwellers know how to enjoy a cocktail, they are keener than ever to make them at home. According to many of the city’s higher-end interior designers, AMC’s Mad Men, returning on April 13, has played a big part in the resurgence of the home bar. The smoking ban has also curtailed the going-out habits of some of the city’s sophisticates, who, while not necessarily actually wanting to smoke in bars and restaurants, hate the fact that they cannot.

In addition to smoking and drinking at the same time, I wonder what other goings-on are tolerated in these private smoke-easies favored by adults who like to enjoy themselves.

Let me guess:

  • Blatant carnivorous consumption as well as consumption of any other fine traditional food which is supposedly “a vice”.
  • Appreciation of firearms.
  • Games of skill and chance.
  • Liberal conversational license.
  • “Sexist” seduction tactics to include the following:
    • clothing that accentuates gender differences
    • no-time-limit “leering” allowance
    • ribald jokes and absence of language censors/political correctness nannies
    • atmosphere of “permissiveness” in general, with limited reliance on social dampers such as “consent culture” in favor of respect for individual agency.
    • Filthy accoutrements such as art, pornography, paraphernalia, and conversation pieces of all sorts
    • Chaise lounges, setees, and other suspiciously “bed-like” pieces of furniture, or—even worse—dungeon equipment!
  • The freedom to associate with those who share your values and the freedom from association with annoying people who impose their values on you.
  • Legal waivers to sign upon entry and exit.
  • Hidden cameras just to keep everyone honest in our litigious and “rape culture” society along with a posted pledge to use them only for defensive purposes.

Where do I sign up? I want to come! Invite me! I’m a whole lot of laughs. I would be delighted to assist in serving, emptying ashtrays, and cleaning up. What shall I bring? How about some sinful hors d’oeuvres? luxury cigarettes? personal lubricant? 😉



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